Friday, March 26, 2010

For the Glory of Your Name

Tonight at 7pm is the CD release concert for Josh Fox's "Radiant" album. Josh is a Pastor at Vintage Faith Church in Santa Cruz. We were able to participate in their services the Sunday before Jake's latest surgery. One of the songs on the album, "For the Glory of Your Name" was written late one night in the midst of tears as Josh was reading about this journey and praying for Jake.

So it is a gorgeous day in Santa Cruz - so those that are able, I suggest a quick dinner on the wharf to check out the waves and then head to Vintage. It will be a great night. So far I-tunes has one song on the album to download but here is Josh's website where you can sign up for updates etc: www.joshfoxmusic.com

As for a Jake update. He is doing great as he does therapy on his own, meets with his independent studies teacher on his own, leaving me in the dust more and more. Awesome isn't it? I am having a hard time to know what to write because well it is all so "normal"! Next week we have an appointment with the neurologists but only to go over his EEG which they already told us was normal. We will set a schedule to get him off of one of his last two medications.

I wish I had a link right now for you to be able to download Josh's song. As I have listened to it several times now - I am taken back to the burn unit - I see pictures of Jake and remember the emotions that came, the confusion that hung and the comfort that followed. Though we have reached a level of normalcy - of course - we will never be the same. In reading this morning I was taken to this verse:
Isaiah 40:10-11...
See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him and his recompense accompanies him. 
He tends his flock like a shepherd: he gathers the lambs in his arms 
and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

For the Glory of Your Name
by Josh Fox

let your presence rest in this place
let your presence rest like a sweet embrace
let your presence rest in this place
  like a sweet embrace

bring your healing power in this place
bring your healing let it fall like rain
bring your healing power in this place
  let it fall like rain - bring your healing power

we lift up our eyes to the one who can save
  come rescue us here Lord, for the glory of your name
we pour out our hearts to the ancient of days
  let your will be done Lord, for the glory of your name

let your freedom reign in this place
let your freedom reign through your saving grace
let your freedom reign in this place
  through your saving grace

bring your justice here in this place
bring your justice here let it break these chains
bring your justice here in this place
  let it break these chains - bring your justice here


we lift up our eyes to the one who can save 
  come rescue us here Lord for the glory of your name
we pour out our hearts to the ancient of days
  let your will be done Lord for the glory of your name


for the glory of your name - for the glory of your name
we will call to you and you will come to save (repeats x3)


we lift up our eyes to the one who can save 
  come rescue us here Lord, for the glory of your name
we pour out our hearts to the ancient of days
  let your will be done Lord, for the glory of your name 

What a prayer to pour out to God. Not a God who is far but a God who is near and knows your pain, your suffering, your woundedness. And the might powerful God comes with recompense as his companion, restoration his intention. 

Peace, 

Tom (daddy) 

Monday, March 22, 2010

Thoughts from the Summit part 1

We are definitely on the summit of this journey. We also live up on the Summit of Santa Cruz.

Today "we" had two appointments at Kaiser. "We" actually equals "Jake" which he points out to me every time that I say it. I think that is a pretty good indication of this separation anxiety that I am feeling right now. Jake is is more and more moving toward independence - aka leaving me in the dust. Yes it is what I want but honestly, it is hard. Probably all the more because I am in full gear of needing to find a job of my own. Perhaps that will help when I finally get that back in my life. Today was simply a quick check-up on Jake's head and then about an hour or so getting an EEG reading for the Brain Waves. (Probably a "dad" joke in there somewhere about surfing the brain waves but Jake would roll his eyes at me.)

It all went smooth - nice to have uneventful appointments.


Jake is not on any pain medications at all. In fact very soon he will be down to simply vitamins. Pretty incredible. We so easily could have been in a totally different place right now - still in hands on recovery with Jake, not to mention that we could have lost him completely. The anxiety that I deal with now - releasing Jake, lack of job, another tragedy, etc begins to creep in and awaken a sinful response. It is a sin not to trust in God - to think he is not fully capable to handle that which I worry about. It is a sin to try to take control over which those things I have no control over.

Sunday morning I was lead to a verse that Debbie and I memorized before we were even dating: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

When someone tells me "not to worry" it never really helps. Jacob will often tell me to "relax." It honestly never really results in relaxing. Most likely because the context, tone of voice, intent is not a gentle encouragement. Paul here does not really state "do not be anxious" as a command but as a friend coming alongside and whispering in your ear. The sentence right before in Phil 5 says, "The Lord is near. And then right before that "Let your gentleness be evident to all." And then one more step back, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, "rejoice." So often I have read these verses, quoted these verses, meditated on releasing anxiety and asking God but I have missed the words that are sandwiched between Paul telling me to rejoice and to not be anxious. "The Lord is near." My requests, petitions, pleading to God in the midst of my anxiety and shallow attempts to be joyful are not to a far-away God but a near God, a present God, a God who knows my heart. A God who longs for the lost, cares about the afflicted and hurts for the oppressed. A Shepherd that has heart to seek seeks the one that is lost. Check out Luke 15 where Christ reveals God's heart for the lost.

It is a parent's roll to raise a child to be released - not controlled and hoarded and protected. My greatest fear is harm coming to one of my boys. And no one can tell me that won't happen. God is near, listening to my heart, knowing my pain, fully able and in control to far more than I can ever hope, ever imagine. No matter what, he walks with me in the midst of the pain and the joy. Perhaps if I just open one eye a crack I will see him.

Peace,

Tom (daddy)