Tuesday, November 3, 2009

"I'm sorry, Daddy."

Jake is hurting tonight - he was pretty good today - but tonight, maybe just a little while ago his back started hurting him. Tomorrow we have an appointment at physical therapy. We need to get the muscles working and strong again but I know it is hard too when you are anxious about a movement that might twinge the nerves in your back - stiff, pensive, frustrated. Jake keeps apologizing to us. He feels bad for all that we are doing for him. We are just thankful that we have the time with him. What a blessing it is to have him alive and have him able to communicate to us where he is hurting.

Jake does not need to apologize for our sake. If it helps him that is fine, but Debbie and I want to be here with him. We want to help him and ease his pain and work him toward healthier more independent living. It is hard - it is so tiring - but there is no regret. Jacob's inability to do what we expect or want him to do does not change our devotion and love for him. Imagine that same view from the throne of God. Our lack of faith, inability to trust, the weakness of our hope does not change God's faithfulness, trustworthiness, or his ability to act. Even now I put so much on myself instead of on God. (Check out Romans 3)

Am I working toward being who God has called me to be? Is the bent of my life to walk away from sin or to get as close to sin as possible? None are perfect but the grace of God - the death of Christ - the story of God - includes me, forgives me, makes up for my lacking. Just as Jacob does not have to walk or use his hand to be my son, we do not have to be more than we are right now to be loved by God - to be his child. The beautiful fact is that God created a way for me to be his child while I am still a sinner. My faith is weak but God is still faithful.

I still though work through my recovery. Toward having faith.

My heart and mind continue to pray for Andrew as well. As I help Jacob with his exercises, I pray that Don will be able to move Andrew through recovery. God is the God of miracles - we have seen it - Jacob is living, loving proof of God's hand - He is still good even though this situation is so black. God is still in control even when things seem so out of control. Today right now is exactly where you are supposed to be. The question for us is are we going to stand in faith or are we going to crumble into bitterness and decay?

Then the Lord said: “I am making a covenant with you. Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the Lord, will do for you." Ex 34:10

Everything we do should be moving toward love and good deeds. Heb 10:24

Tom (JK Daddy)

1 comment:

Lois Stinogel said...

It's interesting to find the balance between the "now" and the "later". The "now" makes for a different "past" and "later" When i really stop and think about that-wow, today is important-this moment is important. i read your writings amost every day -thank you for your insights-and thanks to Rob, too.

Lois Stinogel