Saturday, November 14, 2009

Even in the midst of suffering...this is not about me.

It is really good to see Jake feeling noticeably better. His back is getting stronger and his attitude - frustration is lessening. We had a typical Saturday morning "big breakfast" and then after his shower Jake slept for a couple of hours. He slept threw what I had deemed school time (yes on Saturday cause we have days to make up?). But I think the sleep was very important. He woke up and we spent a few hours on math with is his least favorite subject. It was always my favorite so it is working out well. I get to refresh and try to remember stuff and he gets to have me explain it. It is so cool to see his confidence build. Maybe this was a blessing God added in that we could do it together - one on one time with math. We started on English when some friends arrived - he had a blast screaming into the microphone as Kiko and Chris were on guitar and drums. Jake had a blast.

It is so important to count the blessings in the midst of this storm - remembering that God is faithful regardless of the degree of my own faith. The strength or weakness of our spirit does not weaken or strengthen the faithfulness of God. And yet we act that way don't we? If I had prayed more.... If I had prayed with stronger faith... If I... As a matter of fact Paul says in Romans 3 the my lack of righteousness actually magnifies the righteousness of God. I am not the main character; God is. He moves and acts and loves us but he is the center.

Read Psalms 116 and highlight the verbs of God's activities: heard, turned, is gracious, is compassionate, protects, saved, been good, delivered.

Far to often we operate out of arrogance, pride, narcissism. Even in our sacrifice and serving we contain at least 1% of selfishness. Many a powerful leader in our world history has been defeated not by an external enemy but the enemy that is contained in his own mirror. We become our own downfall because we think more highly of our selves than we ought...(Romans 12:3). I have seen this in both business and the church. And yes I believe in my own heart as a leader in church, business, and my family.

I wrote this in my journal yesterday after reading Romans 2:
*Arrogance can follow chosenness
*Pride can grow from position
*Narcisism elevates oneself to equality with God
-> the heart of the Christian should lead to humility, kind action, restoring the broken...

In the midst of suffering it is powerful to remember that it is not about me and not about right now it is all about God and it is all about his timing. And yet along with this he chose me, loves me and listens to me. He does not change, is fully righteous, and always good. In the midst of both triumph and despair he is faithful.

Lord, help me to reflect faith and trust to my family - that they might see you - because far to often all of this becomes about me. Right now it is so much about Jacob - but even so it is all about you. Your miracles have shown us your heart, your comfort has carried us through, your kindness helps us to face another day, another tomorrow. It is far easier to write about your faithfulness than to live it out - especially in front of my family. Lord, may my lack of righteousness and faith reflect even more of your righteousness and faithfulness. And may whatever faith I do have simply reflect more of you - more of your glory.

Peace and love,

Tom (JK Daddy)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hello. This week my heart has been hurting for the people God has placed in my life (whether family or never-met brothers and sisters in Christ ;) or strangers) who are hurting/broken. You have been coming into my thoughts a lot. When I go through these periods, I cling to music because I feel most spoken to by God during my times of worship through song. There where a couple of songs that I have been playing over and over and I thought that if you could get a hold of them, they would richly bless you too.

1) Your Hands by JJ Heller
2) Shadows by David Crowder Band
3) Surely We Can Change by David Crowder

All three of these songs are about suffering, but they are an encouragement to the soul. I hope that they can encourage you.

Much Love,
Your sister, Ashley