Wednesday, October 14, 2009

darkness...lots of darkness...

We have not had electricity since yesterday morning at 9:23. Jake charged his little netbook at Papa's on his way to the doctor today. So I am borrowing that with a Verizon USB connection. If that does not make any sense to you it really does not matter. I just knew a couple of you would be wondering. Also I promised Jake I would be short and not wear down his battery.

Actually, honestly darkness seems to be a befitting word right now to describe things. We are trying with great difficulty to get a consultation with the surgeons for Jake's thumb and what one of them told me on the phone the other night the procedure that we are moving toward is a difficult one for Jacob due to the restriction for rehab on his arm.

I think that part of being home is suppose to be that he is better - the reality is very dark though with what he still has to come. Great sadness tends to grip each of us at different times and though we do not stay there - there still seems to be a darkness that lingers and affects each of us in different ways at different times.

Hope is still there though - it is not that everything will go our way - but clinging to the fact that God is still with us through this journey can bring us back to hope. Honestly right now today I feel like I remain in darkness which is hard. Relationships have changed. How we act and react to each other and how we plan our lives is forever different and not just a one time different - each day is different and needs to find a fine tuning adjustment. Honestly it does not always go well.

At the end of the day we must embrace forgiveness, grace, and hope in order to find peace - this comes through faith. I honestly have not done that well the last couple of days. Selfish pride weasels in and tells me I deserve something different - I deserve better. Yet this is the day and I must simply rejoice in where we are - remembering that my loss could have been greater is somewhat comforting but realizing that God is working and present is amazingly powerful.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. John 1:1-5

in great hope,

Tom (JK Daddy)


Anonymous said...

Thank you, Tom, for being SO REAL! I read you every night and I'm still praying for you every night and day. It really helps to know what to pray about. That you feel you're in darkness makes it sound to me like it's a real spiritual battle, Tom. What do you think?

I don't do much spiritual battling myself, so I'm no expert. But the word "darkness" made me think of the verse Danny and I memorized last week.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you may stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Eph. 6:10-12

Forgive me for "quoting Scripture at you," if that's what this feels like. I don't mean to offend--just that I have no wisdom of my own and the only comfort I could think of to encourage you with is God's wisdom. If it doesn't help at all, please don't be offended and just forget about it. I understand.

Out here, we're all your friends and we all just care SO MUCH about you and Jake and Debbie and Jensen and Robbie. We REALLY wish we could somehow make it better for you.

Sending love and tears for your pain,

Mari said...

Wow, still no power! Must make things even more difficult. So sorry for the darkness you're feeling right now surrounding you! God & hope & all of us praying for you are still here with you on this journey, still expecting more miracles in the days ahead as God completes what He started in Jacob's miraculous recovery & believing in the incredible future He has ahead for Jacob & your whole family!
I was at a retreat this past weekend and the singer, Annie Herring, wrote a song for us to sing when the darkness starts crowding in, which I jotted down...

I Will Not Fear

I hear Him in the morning wind
I hear Him in the night,
I hear Him when the sun goes down
and I hear Him thru the night,
and I hear Him when the darkness comes
to fill my heart with fright...

I will not fear!
I will not fear!

I hear Him when the thunder rolls
and the rain comes pouring down,
I hear Him when the lightning
flashes out & hits the ground,
and I hear Him when the monsters
try to duplicate the sound...

If You are for me
whom shall I fear?
If You go before me I will...
will not fear.

I will not fear!
I will not fear!

We love you guys and are here with you! Will be praying! xoxo