Friday, October 16, 2009

blessed beyond belief

I am falling asleep right now as I sit here. I need to go to bed and told myself not to write - not sure I have a handle on my feelings right now. Jake and I spent some time crying and praying tonight. I remember the terror I had as I prayed for him to wake up and when he did he would realize what has happened - the state he is in. While on the one hand it is not as bad as it could be - for him right now he is struggling with his limitations. As a father it hurts bad - we all know it - we do not want our kids to hurt - when they are hurt we rush to fix it - care for it - take care of it. At this point we are slowly, inch by inch, walking through therapy. Doing his exercises to work his muscles and stretch his skin grafts. He is frustrated.

He told me tonight that he has so much regret. I was not sure what he meant at first - regret for mistakes? No, regret for his head, regret for his back pain, regret for his limitations, injuries, that he has not the freedom that he had before to throw his board in the truck and jump in the ocean and then hang out with friends - that he is not hanging out at lunch with his friends.

I do not write this to increase sympathy - for we are so amazingly blessed - we have so much to be thankful for - life is right in our midst. I remind Jake of that as through tears we also ask God for healing. I write to just describe what is going on...perhaps there is a lesson here for each of us that have the burden of "regret" that weighs us down. Slowly, ever so slowly we move forward. Asking God for strength, healing, help and we step forward. Steps are not easy but they move us closer to where we need to be.

Again I am tired and need to go to bed. But for those that still are with us and join us in prayer - here you go and thank you. A million times thank you. We are blessed beyond belief.

Tom (JK Daddy)

PS pray also as we share in the service on Sunday at Corralitos Community Church at 10:10 am.

3 comments:

Mari said...

In tears reading this and feeling the deep sadness of your heart & Debbie's as parents who want nothing more than to fix the hurt of your child and quickly make everything good again. We don't realize the depth of our parents' love for us until we are parents ourselves and would do anything to stop our children from hurting! And our hearts ache for Jacob too as he is one who is so full of life and loves to be on the move & with friends, catching the waves of adventure! It must be so sad & frustrating for him to long to be out with his buddys, but instead the days go by so slowly with the tedious process of therapy & exercise & dr appts....Ohhh so difficult for such a wonderful young man in his senior year with so much to do & live & experience....to have to slow down & take time to heal...fighting the feeling of loneliness & missing out....oh how overwhelming... & the heart of a parent can hardly stand it!
And we who are walking this journey with you can only cry with you & pray as we would like nothing more than to make it all better for all of you, to make this pain & despair go away, to have your family whole again in every way!
Know that we are right here with you daily, &
although we continue to celebrate that Jacob is fully back & truly himself with full mental capacity (which is such a HUGE MIRACLE in itself!!!), we will also continue to pray for this hard & painful season you are all in of the tedious process of recovery. Know that our hearts and prayers are with you daily as we believe in more miracles ahead! Love always, Brad & Mari

Anonymous said...

We too are continuing to pray daily for each one of you. We have shared Jacob's journey with so many - we will never realize - this side of heaven - how many lives have been touched. The Lord WILL restore the years the locust have eaten - it is His promise and we look forward with hope.

Karen Munshi

Christi said...

You are such a great dad. I am learning through you and with you how to let those around me grieve without trying to fix it all. Me and my 3 boys are praying for you and your 3 boys. Your fighter is going to keep fighting.