Sunday, September 13, 2009

Steps of recovery

Jake and I are "watching" the 49er game and hanging out. It is quiet. He just had wonderful visit with some friends who also brought him some In-N-Out. He is tired and dozing. He longs to leave with his friends and hang out - in time that will be true and for that we are so thankful. So much of what is going on right now for him is a catching up - rehab of all the basics of life that we take for granted and do so easily everyday - he is now able to drink from a cup without a straw. A small victory and yet so huge.

Over the last few days it is so hard to sit down and write in this blog. I think part of it is that I am spending more waking time with Jake - taking in the moments - helping him - doing things with and for him. But also it is harder to sit down and sift through where we are at this moment. Though the previous 12 weeks have been so much harder in terms of facing death and tragedy - it is difficult in this time of recovery as well. Jacob is now realizing and dealing with the reality of what is going on. He saw himself in the mirror - does not like what he sees with his skull. In time - through more surgeries - all that is repairable. We remind him over and over again how thankful we are for his life.

Last night Jim and Sue took Debbie to find Jacob sushi; by the way Jacob has made sushi at home and though he makes a big mess - he makes some really good sushi. Jake and I last night had some time alone. We were quiet for a long time - like we are now - yet Jacob was not sleeping. You could see him thinking - pretty soon he asked me to pray with him - pretty soon we were both crying - as hard as I cried when I thought he was going to die due to lung infection and damage. We cried out to God together - begging - thanking - pleading - rejoicing - in pain - in gladness. Jake starting to ask all the questions that we have asked - why? why not? what are you going to do with this God? I see the pain - I see the vulnerability - I see openness. His heart is so awesome - he is so thankful to us for being here - I do not see anger - I see brokenness.

Brokenness is an important word that God continues to bring forth to me. It is not the Humpty Dumpty brokenness with no hope of being repaired; it is God's being broken - surrendered - empty - open - willing to be molded like clay - brokenness that is longing for God to be creator again. We see it over and over again in scripture of people turning to God. When we are broken and then restored God does not just put us back as we were - he makes us closer to what we should be. That is my prayer right now. That God is putting Jake back to where he should be - where God wants him to be - molded to be more and more in the image of God.

In a moment of time - our lives were forever altered. When I am home for brief moments I wonder if all this really happened. I go up into Jake's room - see how it has been cleaned by dear friends - see things we have put there - blessings we have been showered with - quilts, prayer blankets, clothing, signs, cards, etc etc - the journey is real. Jacob is missing part of his skull - has had several skin grafts and surgeries. We have spent 12 weeks in 2 hospitals and 3 different rooms. I remember it is real. We have visited brokenness; known surrender; and we have seen miracles. We are able to talk to Jacob who has full brain capability. He is doing more and more each day on his own. Today he walked with a cane. A cane my father bought when he visited us in Africa - hand carved - when Jacob was 4. Little did we know.

Jacob each day takes huge steps of recovery not toward being like he was but toward being as God intends him to be. I already in the midst of moments with him - see God working in him. I see his heart - kindness, gentleness, compassion. He is making sure that those around him who are coming to visit him are being taken care of, noticing little details. He is blessing us; loving us; caring for us in the midst of his vulnerability.

I showed Jake the picture of the firefighters that saved him and the 911 dispatcher that took the call from Rachel on June 28th. Tears welled up in gratitude as he saw them holding signs that said the were praying for him. Bit by bit we share a little bit more as we communicate to him the blessing he has been to so many and there are so many praying for him.

Jake just woke up - 9er's are still winning - time to watch a little more with him. He appreciates so much his friends visiting and wanted me to put that in the blog. Frequent short visits are best. He is so thankful for his friends.

Col 1:10-14
And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord
and may please him in every way:
bearing fruit in every good work,
growing in the knowledge of God,
being strengthened with all power according
to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,
and joyfully giving thanks to the Father,
who has qualified you to share in the inheritance
of the saints in the kingdom of light.
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness
and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,
in whom we have redemption,the forgiveness of sins.

Love and peace,

Tom (Dad)

1 comment:

Victoria said...

Rec'd email request to post from Carol:

It's all good and God will continue to glorify Himself through all of this. God is amazing and He is doing such amazing things in Jacob!!!!

Blessings, Carol