Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Post-surgery from D-mom (last night)

After midnight - so it's Wed Sept 2nd? or is it 3rd?

I was asleep on my chair-bed in Jake's hospital room here in the Pediatric ICU @ Kaiser, Santa Clara - The respiratory guy is coming in every hour or two to suction any mucous out of Jacob's lungs that may be there after his 10 hour surgery - the suctioning makes him cough and his body wakes up and he's nodded his head "yes" to being in pain - gave more pain meds. He whispered that he wanted to talk but he's still hooked up to the oxygen ventilator (again) - hoping to have him unhooked tomorrow.

I would easily say he's a mess, a wreck, looks like he's been in a battle - even if others say "he looks so good" it is so hard to look at your son and not see him so hurt. 3 surgeons spent 10 hours doing surgery to:
- remove his lat muscle from his left back area to attach to lie over his skull and very carefully/microscopically attach blood vessels from scalp to this muscle.
- remove skin graft from his leg to lie over the lat muscle as a skin graft.
- remove skin graft from his leg to graft to his right heel where dead bone was removed weeks ago in burn unit. A "vac therapy" is attached to his heel to heal the heel well and quicker than normal - an amazing invention for burn wounds.

Very hard time right now for Tom and I to feel like this is a step forward for Jake. Yet I know that's the truth - I wish with all my heart, mind and soul he didn't ever have had to go through over the past 60 days give or take (I stopped counting when we left the Burn Unit). The night before surgery Jake would tear up and say, "I'm scared." So I read Psalms 19 and 18 to him (he picked the number). This morning when surgeons popped into our room, Jake asked if they were gonna shave his head - they didn't - cool deal, 'cuz his hair has grown thick on the top and right side - matted and a bit bloody but it is there... I know he will look better over the next few days and once again he'll look better over the next few days and once again he'll be unplugged from the hospital things like ventilator etc. but even in looking better, my concern is his mind, emotions, spirit, relationship with Jesus. Will he be totally discouraged? or will he allow healing to take place - brokenness that allows God to heal him from the inside out - heal more than just his body?

I am so tired....

D-mom

6 comments:

Cindy Todd said...

Thank you for your honesty Debbie. I know how to better pray now. Love you, Cindy

Anonymous said...

Mom to Mom I want to give you a big {{{{{HUG}}}}} I have followed Jacob's story and I can imagine just how exhausted you must be. your kids are lucky to have you as a mom.

Bob Duffy said...

For Debbie and Tom:
Jn. 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."
Continuing to pray for His peace, His calming and protecting your heart, and His courage (when any of us would be fearful),
-the Duffys

Johanna said...

yes, Debbie your heart is your gift to your son...he is so very blessed to have you....I love you and wish I could infuse you with strength, so I ask God to do this....to supply all that you need...and more, according to His power ..the working of His mighty strength-on your behalf......I can only imagine the fatigue that you must feel ......I want to give you a big hug too.....Much love Debbie....

Joslin3 said...

As a mother, I can't even begin to understand the pain you must feel for him. How badly you must wish you could go through it instead of him. You guys are amazing. Jacob is so blessed to have you as his family. I am thinking of you daily and praying for you, Debbie and your whole family. I am praying for Jacob specifically that he would have the strength and courage and a huge drive to push through these difficult times in recovery.

Love,
Laura

Rebecca said...

Debbie, your tiredness for giving so much, yet more than willing to give everything. Trying every minute to rejoice in the good while experiencing the pain, to be more hopeful than depressed, to be encouraging so Jake can draw from you to heal, to wish with all your heart that you could wrap your skin around him and pull him into yourself and shelter him from everything that has happened and is still to come, the mama bear with no enemy to savage - just the long walk of faith and patient love and diligence. Tiredness the result of a faith walk of massive proportions. I pray this for you - God, my sister has confessed for your hearing the tiredness, "the bucket is empty," that comes from long periods of intense giving without relief and the ache of loss so great. You said we should come to you and cast our burdens on you so we come now, for Debbie, and ask you to do for her what she longs to do for Jake so that she can be restored and continue to minister to her family. Wrap her inside your being so that you absorb what she is not able to bear, pour life into her being, give her healing tears that allow her to release the grief while recharging her to rejoice in progress, somehow give her strength to view her son so bruised and know with absolute certainty your hand is directing this path, when she sleeps knock her out with dreamless, peaceful, restoration, wake her without the knots in the stomach and overwhelming exhasution, and give her laughter in the midst of all the days of craziness. God we ask you to honor and answer her prayers for Jake. Give her evidence that you and Jake are working it out and growing in relationship, that Jake's thinking is only as crazy as it ever was - with sense of humor intact, and that his body will eagerly heal him up. Give Jake a strong desire and energy to keep working through the healing and regain the agility he knew before and maybe then some! Father I ask that you heal each of them emotionally so that when the healing is done they will be whole, carrying no baggage into the future only celebration of life restored. We ask specifically, so that we can also thank you and celebrate as you answer each. In Jesus we ask all this. Deb, we're loving you!