Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Not done yet

Debbie and Jacob had to leave at 8 am this morning to make it to Kaiser for their first appointment. At the same time Jensen and I went the other way to get him to school on time. While it is great being home for the last five days - four of them were spent heading to appointments. I wish they would give frequent flyer miles for driving time. Today was especially hard in that Jacob had an appointment with the surgeon for his hand - makes him very nervous so he did not have a good nights sleep. Also they had to wait about 5 hours between appointments. Long, hard day. When they got home neither Debbie nor Jacob wanted to talk about he options for surgery. There are several and none of them sound - well lets face it they are surgery and each have challenges. They finally started to share and I got overwhelmed. Nothing has to be decided today but some of the options involve less than all of his thumb or less than full movement etc.

This is the hard part of facing these next steps as we did with the head surgery - Jake is involved in the process - is aware (awake) for the conversation - Jake has an understanding of what he is facing - this is not what a 17 year old kid is suppose to be going through. He is sad - quiet - tender - scared. Though we comfort and care and hold him - I feel so stinkin helpless - so tired - so frustrated - so sad along with him. Days at the burn center where spent praying and hoping he would wake up - now I am finding myself wishing he were asleep. I do not pray for that though - I do have my boy back and that is so amazing - such a blessing - and yes I do tell him that everyday.

We are not done - God is still walking with us - but I find my prayers less desperate as in previous weeks. How easy it is when we come out of the foxhole to forget the desperate promises - the precious intimacy - the holy presence of the Lord. How easy it is to get caught up in errands and tasks and movement and not stop to focus on God. "Lord, I long to stand in your presence today - each day - not just in desperate times but in bountiful times."

So for those still with us - pray for Jacob's thumb. I will leave the specificity to you. I would stand by his bed and pray for his thumb. Back at the burn center the talk was focused on removing the thumb and replacing it with a toe. That is not the conversation now - it is more along the lines of how much use and feeling he will actually have. My prayer will remain that the Lord can restore his thumb. He has come this far - miracle upon miracle - one more Lord - save a thumb. My hope and desire is to see Jacob using his right hand once again.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”- Hebrews 10:35-36

Peace and love

Tom (Dad)


Anonymous said...

We'll keep praying for more miracles. Jacob has been taking "baby leaps" in his recovery and I think he will continue to do so.

God has not promised us that things will continue in the same way they always have, but Jacob has already dealt with so much change. Praying that he will be able to keep focusing on what God has done so far in sparing him and not fear the future. It is hard and may continue to be hard, BUT it WILL get better.

God is holding Jacob's hands like He has been holding yours and we're all still here on this journey of "trembling faith" with you and Jacob. Thanks for letting us see the vulnerability and tentative hope and frustration, 'cuz it's His strength that then shows up in your weakness and blesses all of us.

You are SO loved by SO many, Tom, Debbie, Jacob, Robbie and Jensen!
Going to bed thinking of you all in my prayers tonight. ~Ginger

Mari said...

Praying & believing with you for the miracle of complete restoration & use of Jacob's thumb!

Anonymous said...

We've prayed for a lot of things over the years, but never a thumb! Praise God we get to pray for a thumb and by faith know that He has already heard and answered our prayers! Not sure about those frequent flyer miles, but you never know!


The Griffin Family said...

I will be praying for thumb restoration!

Cindy Todd said...

Thank you Tom for your honesty and your encouragement. It is hard to stand in the presence of God when things begin to look up and we don't feel quite as desperate. We will pray for Jake's thumb and pray that we can all remain in the presence of our God and not wander aimlessly. Love you all, Cindy

Anonymous said...

We are definitely still praying on your behalf. Realize that we are still with you as you all transition to this stage of the recovery and face new challenges. I agree that it is, in a way, easier to call on and be close to God during the height of the battle when we focus on only Him that can save us from the greatest of turmoils. But eventually we need to deal with the everyday items like you mention and all the sudden I find myself spending less time with Him. That hurts.
How to balance it all must be the oldest of struggles. How to trust in Him yet apply my own effort?
Thank you again for your faithfulness in blogging. As others have said, I have grown accustomed to checking more than once a day for the latest updates. Please know that we are with you and wanting to do all we can for you. Your choice of scriptures amaze me how appropriate they are. He is great enough to carry us through each day. One day at a time. Rejoicing in each one.
Continue to tell Jacob how thankful you are just to have him with you, and one day he too will realize the sufficiency in those words and actions. I am sure at this age he looks for more, as we all do in our own stages of living.
Thinking and praying for you today, Guy

Kate said...

Hello, Tom (may I say 'Tom'? since I've been reading your postings for these months, you feel like a friend...)

I, too, have Kaiser, so I know what that's like--I had two minor wrist surgeries. You can confer with other hand surgeons, I believe. I know people who have researched, mainly online or with friends who knew, other Kaiser hospitals--Santa Rosa, San Rafael, Oakland, &c., to find specialists.

I would do it even if you just say you want to talk to the doctor (second-opinion doctor) about the options presented. When I had foot surgery I got very different opinions--should I go with the young doctor's unorthodox advice (but perhaps more up on the latest) or the experienced doctor? I went with the young doctor and that was the right choice for me.

Go online and search regional Kaisers for hand specialist, perhaps look for a doctor who's an athlete, maybe even one who surfs... Maybe this advice is superfluous (and it can be frustrating trying to use the Kaiser website--I can't even find the hand specialist I just saw at Campbell!)--but maybe worth a try. I know I would appreciate help from someone just outside the situation.

Best to you all--you are amazing.

Aptos, CA

Anonymous said...

this is my 3rd time to write to you...I have read your journal and prayed daily for you since July 4th! Please keep up the daily posts, so we all know how to pray for you. I will pray for total healing for his thumb, and for his spiritual life! tough road for a young man! my favorite phrase right now is "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD int he land of the living.Wait for the LORD, be strong, take heart,and wiat for the LORD!" Ps. 27:12-14.

Anonymous said...

Tom, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us.

Anonymous said...

Praying for a healthy & fully functional thumb. Wanted to let you know that I met a young man who had the thumb/big toe exchange surgery you've mentioned. He lost his thumb while water skiing. I mention this only because his new "thumb" worked wonderfully, did not look radically different from the other (although obviously a little larger) & and had he not mentioned it - I probably would not have noticed. He also said that the missing big toe had not affected him greatly. I offer this up just in case that option resurfaces. Praying for a healthy thumb for Jake - and peace for you all.

design one e said...

"...for those still with us..."

Tom, I will never leave your family. Prayers for Jacob and your family will not end because Jacob is home.

You set the focus. The thumb? You got it!