Monday, September 14, 2009

imprint and empathy

So my dad called me tonight and gave me hard time for not posting a blog entry yet...sorry Papa this is totally for you. 

No idea what to write had a wonderful day with Jacob and now Jensen and I are hanging out at home relaxing with our dog Hope. The doctors came through while I was with Jake and raved about his progress - we are moving toward the feeding tube coming out this week and are still waiting to hear about surgery on his thumb. Jake got fitted for his helmet today - he hates it - hates the idea of having to where it and wants so bad to have his hair back. I could see the sadness overwhelming his heart today - longing to be back with his friends - longing to be in his senior year. I made a call to the registrar today to start the conversation about what process we need to got through for some independent study. Good stuff - hard stuff - necessary stuff. 

As I was leaving to night we again prayed and cried together telling each other "I miss you" - kind of what we say in greeting and in passing - "I love you", "we are with you", "one day at a time." I told Jake how thankful I was to be able to have him with me - to be in this process with him. It is so amazing to see the miracles - to look at Jake and know that God is fully in the midst of this. Even in the midst of that though there are still all the questions the wondering why God did not do something just a little different - spare his skull. This is such a reminder of all the questions that we have had over the last 12 weeks. He is entering slowly into what we have known. JK whispered to me today "further seems for ever" - it is the name of one of his favorite bands and he said it seems to be so true too. 

It is a mistake to simply tell someone that we need to look on the bright side and things can be worse. Jake and I were talking about that today - of course things can always be worse but they can also be better - those are Jake's words and he is right. Compassion and empathy is not about getting us to change our perspective but to come alongside and allow the disappointment, the sadness, the grieving to run its course and to move through it to acceptance and restoration. That is what rehab is about. We remind Jake that we are going to move through this to get him to a place where he can and will do that which he is meant to do. Praise God that Jake has full capacity - brain function - body intact ability to move through this. 

Life at times - as we all know - has so much to handle. Dear friends of mine lost their father today. No that is not true. They did not "lose" him - he past away and is now at home with Christ they will never lose him. His imprint is real. I did not know him well but I knew his family - two of his sons - their family - grandkids. Incredible people ALL of them. He has passed on an incredible legacy - his faith living out through them - so many of them - actually all of them - reflecting the kingdom of God in such a variety of ways - all over the world. Hard difficult moments - life changing moments - shape and define us - building deeper levels of compassion - higher levels of empathy - training ground for caring and love. So many difficult journeys are going on: funerals, leukemia, heart issues, cancer, divorces, abuse of children, unemployment, etc etc. Friends and people are going through so much - how are we so blessed in our journey? Why are we able to dwell on the side of miracles? Again not positive thinking but seeing God in the midst of each moment. It is so hard and yet such a blessing. 

Lord, what are you training Jacob for? 
What will you do with all of this? 
I see it blessing so many people. 
So much love has been poured out. 
But what will you do with Jake? 
I can worry and panic and wallow in fear. 
But, Lord, in your strength alone will I stand. 
In faith and in hope we long to see you here and now. 
In faith and in hope I look forward to your plan. 

Thanks Papa for your imprint on me...

Tom (Dad)


4 comments:

Cindy Todd said...

Thanks Tom for your thoughts...it means so much. Praying for you and loving you all, Cindy

Lois Stinogel said...

You don't know yet just how God will use Jacob in the years to come-seeing all that he is going through now. It will be good because it sure looks like Satan had other plans for him. After the death of my husband 4 years ago, i have been able to minister to many people who have lost their spouses-to death or divorce. So, too, your family will have a special ministry that no one else will have.

Victoria said...

Rec'd email request to post from Carol:

Hi Tom,
What a blessing to hear all this. God is good, faithful and awesome no matter what we go through. Jacob has one amazing testimony. God must have something awesome for Jacob considering all He has done in him and for him.

Give a shout of praise to the Lord for all He has done!!!!!

Blessings, Carol

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you from England. God lead me to your page at the beginning of July. Thank you for sharing your journey with such honesty. I am myself going through a journey and have appreciated so many of your thoughts. Our God is an awesome God and worthy of all praise. It is wonderful to hear of Jacob's progress.
Keep trusting
Anne