Sunday, September 6, 2009


I had a difficult morning waking up. A lot of anxieties, fears, insecurities that tend to weigh down on me in the morning.

I called my mom to hear how things were going. My mom's friend Lisa answered the phone, and told me my mom was busy and would call me back.... busy helping Jacob as the doctors removed his trache tube! And they already took the vacuum seal off his heel, and it looks great. But the breathing tube is a big deal... he was already breathing through his mouth a little bit... it was time!

Earlier this morning Jacob was in tears about the idea that there is so much that he can't do. Now he has a tangible step toward doing those things again.

For the first time in this ordeal, I can come before God and praise him for his goodness. People have constantly told me that God is good in the midst... and before now it was an empty saying. I didn't know how to figure it out. But in the midst of all my own struggles, having this happen for Jacob is huge. So all I can do right now is come before God and praise him, thank him, honor him for answering the desires of our heart... not that God's goodness is only shown through physical answers to prayer... after all, what about those stories where things don't get better? Does God not answer then? But I think that in all things God is trying to show just how much he loves us... and that is where his goodness lies... not in the physical blessings, but in the joy of his love.

I am in tears as I write, feeling my cold heart being warmed by the Breath of Life. Please thank the Father with me.

When my hope is gone, how can I carry on?
If my faith is strong, will you be the truth I’m hanging on?
Will you be my eyes when I cannot see?
Will you be my voice when I cannot speak?
Will you be my hands where I cannot reach?
Father, take what’s left of me
If I fall away, will you come rescue me?
In my broken state, will you be a light to guide my way?
Will you take me back to that place again?
Where I know my savior as my friend
where you show me grace that has no end
where I come alive within your plan.

-Take What's Left of Me, The Glorious Unseen

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles...

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

-Excerpts from Psalm 34

-Robbie (Jacob's brother)

p.s. new update on the state of his head after surgery: the swelling is down and a drainage tube that was being used to drain fluids from the wound was also removed because it is no longer needed.


Susie Boggs said...

Another wonderful day for Jacob ~ You are a beautiful writer Robbie.

Dr. Suzanne Mallery said...

Robbie, have you studied the kataphatic vs. apophatic traditions of spirituality? If not, you might find the apophatic tradition sympathetic to some of the things you've been talking about the last few days. I am also an over-analyzer and have found it helps me to get a grasp of the "bigger picture." If you aren't familiar with it, this is a good brief explanation:

Mari said...

Rejoicing with you Robbie as we're once again amazed at God's goodness!!! Think it's so true what you said about "in all things God is trying to show us how much He loves us...& that's where His goodness lies..." Basking in the joy of His love tonight for Jacob, for us!