Friday, August 7, 2009

Trust is not easy - to say "trust in the Lord" is easy to say - yet there are times that it seems totally and utterly impossible. To totally trust one must release defensiveness, and I think that is one of the hardest things that we can do. I think that was part of Job's issue. As you read through Job and get to the end there is a sense of defensiveness - a lack of full release on Job's part. Vulnerability goes hand in hand with trust - leaves us open to woundedness. We sense it when we have a disagreement - we either go into fight or flight mode. Fight and flight are good instincts for survival in a dangerous situation where your life is at stake but it can ruin relationships in the normalcy of life. Vulnerability and trust are the foundation - the rich soil - of a relationship as non-defensive postures can lead to healthy conflict.

Yet vulnerability also leads to woundedness - as you open yourself up to someone you are trusting them with your heart - the very core of who you truly are. We need to do so in small amounts - testing the water of the relationship so that as we reveal a corner of our heart we can understand if this person is trustworthy with that treasure. That is a growing relationship: vulnerability and trust inching forward seeking to care about and understand the other person.

I say this because God meets us in the midst of brokenness - in the midst of vulnerability when we are not defensive - or as he calls the Israelites over and over again, "stiff-necked". God meets us and desires to love us to restoration - wholeness. I started reading Hebrews this morning and the author is talking about the sacrifice (ultimately vulnerability) of Jesus dying on the cross for our restoration: "for this reason he (Jesus) had to be make like his brothers (us) in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Heb 2:17-18)

Jesus calls me brother - meets me in the midst of my vulnerability - trust grows deeper and stronger - not from miracles but from the God of miracles.

The rest of what is written here is from Debbie. She wrote it out on Tuesday night when Robbie, Jensen and I left for LA.

Love and peace

Tom (Dad)

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What a terrifying, amazing, miraculous, difficult, nerve - wracking yet beautiful place this Burn Unit is - mostly because of those that work here - their lives seem so "regular" on the one hand and yet they are so committed to doing everything they can - not only to keep Jake's body alive and healing but to improve upon WHO he is - even while he's stoned out of his mind. He can still hear at some level, so they talk to him - treat him not just like an object but as a person.

At this point he can still "fight" or "thrash" but the nurse tonight did all he could to keep Jake from harming himself as he moved in agitation - at some level probably fighting to get out of bed. It is a battle for the mind at this point - which takes time and wisdom of doctors to choose medication that is helpful to waking Jake up more gently yet medication that won't cause his blood pressure/heart rate to go too high or too low and meds that won't cause more grogginess to his brain as they try to wake him.

He does have a "fungus" in his blood so he is back on antibiotics - concern is that they are not sure what the cause is - all wounds are clean and grafted wounds are healing amazingly well, so non of those are causing the bacteria in his blood - so please pray this bacterial/fungus disappears from Jake's body.

Through my off and on again exhaustion and stress, I do have knowledge deep down that we serve a God of miracles, so many He has shown me in Jake's life since the accident and so many He's shown me through people like you - friends, family, strangers. Speaking of miracles, tonight was the once a month meeting of Burn Survivors. Tom and I went to our 1st one last month and we were a wreck: crying, crying, amazed, crying at the people around the table - healed evidence of burns: face, hands, arms, legs, ears - such courageous survivors; functioning, caring human beings with wounds healed but unable to hide their hurts - scars everywhere - yet life showing through in their eyes...courage, hope. Oh they battles they have fought through. They show us being a burn victim is not an end to life - it is a new way - a new path...

So we continue to wait on God to awaken Jacob when HE desires it and I for one will take whomever God decides to have Jacob "re-birth" as - easy to say right no, I hope I mean it when he wakes. I pray that we all can surrender and trust God to re-birth each of us - that we'd be able to accept the changes He allows in our lives, good and bad.

"They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength - they will mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and they will not faint, for the Lord delights in strengthening His saints."

Throughout these days I tend to feel as though He has "clipped" my wings and I will never again be able to "fly" but I know that is a lie - as I trust in Him, he will strengthen me, He will help me "fly" and Jakey as well - somehow, some way, in His timing and for His glory.

D-Mom

3 comments:

Andy Robinson said...

Tom, Debbie and family--Our awesome God knows our every move and as He watches over Jake we can be sure that He is aware of what is needed. As our prayers go up on Jake's behalf, it is good to know that God interprets our feeble attempts at expressing what is necessary. The strength that is afforded to each of us is limitless, although at times it seems that we are running on empty. I know that God is bringing good out of this tramatic experience, and one day we will stand amazed as we look back at how He has directed each step of the process. May God continue to cradle His arms around Jake, and may He sustain each of you during these trying times. Continued prayers for all of you are going heavenward.
Andy and Elda Robinson
North Hills Christian School
Vallejo, CA

ellianna said...

Hi Debbie,

As always, your family and especially Jacob, is in our daily prayers. We are wishing all of you peace and healing through this difficult journey.

Lots of love and prayers,

The Javed family

mshamaya said...

Debbie - what a beautiful heartfelt share from you! These words from you, Tom, Robbie and others have been transforming - the transformation of love and courage. Thank you!