Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Overwhelmed

Last night before I went home they reduced Jacob's trach tube from a 6 to a 4. They had just gone from a 8 to a 6 a couple of days earlier - the idea is to let it keep getting smaller until he does not need it anymore. Today they brought in a cap for it that we can put on for him to start making sounds with it. I tried to put it on him but he wanted to wait for someone who knows what they are doing...just like Jake not to trust that his dad knows what he is doing.

Also last night the doctor explained the process over the next 6-8 weeks. We are still up in the air as to when they are doing surgery but we are hoping for Monday at this point. We are trying to get him down off of these drugs as much as possible and for him to make bigger strides in rehabilitation before it. He has dead bone in his skull which needs to be removed and he will have to wear a helmet until the place a plate (probably metal) in place of the skull. Then they will begin the process of grafting and scalp stretching. They were also letting his wounds heal. His right heal and arm are looking so good. There was a hole just in front of his right arm pit that has gone from the size of a golf ball to now the size of a raisin. His heal and foot is healing skin - though it still looks raw it is healing. Amazing.

With all of that though when I left last night I was overwhelmed - saddened by the ordeal his body has gone through and for what is yet to come. Saddened that he has to go through this. Jake was overwhelmed this morning too. When I got here he mouthed to me that he found out how long he had been asleep. He asked Debbie early this morning. He told her he was overwhelmed. That seems to be a good word for all of this. Overwhelmed by not just the difficulties but the blessings.

More and more they reduce the medication and he is coming back to us. Our friend Jim (Jim and Sue are with us every night) told me that Jake sat up on his own for his head bandage change. He did this only once before and needed to be propped up - last night he sat up on his own - while they unwrapped, cleaned and rewrapped his head - without increasing the medication. Jim was able to sit next to him on the bed as a friend - just hanging out together.

It is so easy to loose sight of what God has done - to be overwhelmed anticipating what is to come or what we are experiencing in the present. It is easy to forget the miracles that have already gone before - the miracle that Jacob is alive, is remembering who he is, understanding what is happening - that he is breathing, kidney's are functioning, skin healing, that he has an arm... over and over again in the Bible God's people forget - God saves them, restores them, separates them, they do good for a while and then start grumbling and want back to their miserable life before - slavery, bondage, etc. Jesus ministry was one of directing God's people back to not just moral lives - lives free from the rules that the religious leaders had added to God's laws. The Apostle Paul called Jews and Gentiles to see that the death of God's son, Jesus, opened up a spiritual kingdom now accessable as never before. We forget, get off track, don't understand - get away from God.

God goes to dramatic lengths to reveal himself - even to the point of sacrificing his own son. Being overwhelmed - thinking that it is all more than we can handle - can keep us from seeing that God is right in front of us - trying to get our attention - calling us back to him. Now I am not saying that is the point of where Jacob is, that would be to elementary and naive. I really don't know the full why of all of this - I may never know. But in the midst of this I pray that I am not so overwhelmed (as I am so often) to miss that God is here in the midst of all this -helping me to have faith, hope, love, and peace - hopefully in increasing amounts.

I think right now as I see Jacob sleeping, I do see hope - but just enough to make it to tomorrow and will pray that tomorrow I will get a little more. Plus it is really cool to see him wearing his boardshorts.

Tom (Dad)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

from aptos high, 'we miss jacob!!'

Cindy Todd said...

Thank you God for the hope you give us!

Susie Boggs said...

I'm glad Jacob looks cool in his board shorts : ) You have so much on your plate at the moment, I think the only thing you can do is do what you're doing~ and take it one day at a time, and with each day another dose of Hope comes your way. I can understand your thoughts, you are a good Dad.

Anonymous said...

A HUGE THANK YOU! for all your insights and words that have sweetened my bitter heart.

Your Entire Paragraph that starts out: "It's so easy to loose sight of what God has done" ---

- Really hit me in a Good Way!

I am so sorry for the Sacrifice this journey is for Jacob, you, your family and friends. BUT I know that so many souls (including mine) are now pointed to God because of it.
Sincerely, your sister in Christ.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for letting us know about Jacob's journey. We wait for your posting every day and we are also anxious to know about his health. I am grateful that you take your time and the courage to describe what we cannot see by ourselves. However, we can feel the faith and hope throughout your words. I would like to meet all of you in person because now you are all in my heart.

Mari said...

Wow, boardshorts! As you listed some of the miracles that have already taken place, it really is amazing all that God has already done! And even as overwhelming as each step has been for all of you, you have been so faithful in trusting God and conveying to us the reality of the day by day challenges & triumphs, enabling us to experience the pain & the joys along with you. And we can see how this new season where Jacob is becoming aware brings with the blessing new challenges and times of more sadness & pain along with the hope & healing. It is such a mixed bag of emotions for us too as we pray for the day that Jacob will be past all the pain, all the surgeries & rehab and be back talking & laughing & joking & biking & surfing.... So we do what we know to do for now, pray & hope & believe....
Love to you all & missing you so much here Jacob!
Stay strong, be patient & give yourself all the time your body needs to heal. We won't stop praying! xoxo We 3 Kings :-)

Victoria said...

Rec'd email request to post from Carol:

Hi Tom,
God has done so much. Humans are funny characters. God does miracles, time goes by, they complain, and want the old ways. Forgetting all that God has done. Hopefully one day we will all get it and keep our eyes heaven bound and waiting for Him to return for those of us who remain faithful to Him.

God, I pray that You will begin to start to heal Jacob's skull. That You would restore the bone, scalp and anything and everything else.
Thank You for allowing Tom and Debbie to remember what You have done for them and all the miracles You have done in their son Jacob. I don't think they will ever forget what You have brought them through, how You have sustained them, and how You had Your church pray for them. Continue to give them glimpses of You. Help them to take deep breathes, one step at a time, and help Jacob to also be patient with his healing. God, You do such awesome miracles!! Continue to glorify Yourself in all of this. I for one, am amazed by all that You have done this far. Amen.
Blessings, Carol