Monday, August 3, 2009

Missing Jacob

Jacob had a good night. Fever did not spike remaining low grade. He is peaceful right now. I'm in Jake's room just watching and praying. This is "packing Robbie day" and we are going to have a family send-off dinner. Knowing it is the right place for him right now but also realizing how much we are going to miss him. Jensen and I are looking forward to road trip with him.

-Tom (Dad)

This is now Robbie writing.... I wanted to post a few things this morning, but I will leave the medical update to my dad above.

Yesterday, for me, was a day lived in the Kingdom. In tune with the knowledge of the Body. It is glorious. It is not always positive and happy, but it is glorious. In my journal this morning I wrote "every little interaction with someone is a gift from God."
Here is a run-down of my day.
I am convinced that God forced me to go to our church gathering for the first time since this all happened, because it was a Sunday in which we really focused on "being" the church, not just going to church. We worshiped, had breakfast together and then had whoever wanted to share about where God is working in their life, where they need prayer, or where they see God showing up. It was an amazing, beautiful time that affirmed me of the presence of God coming through relationships with others, through these interactions.
Then I had just an awesome time with a fun friend of mine.
Then I went over to see Jake. I cried while I held is hand next to his bed, as all the thoughts of the unknowns and inconsistencies entered my thoughts, looking on his extremely calm and tired face. What if his injuries, which are being described as "evolving" due to the nature of electricity, evolve into something life-threatening again? What if he just flat-lines one day? What if he does have severe brain damage? What if he can never wake up? These were the questions in my head. I had to give myself permission to leave.
Then I finished registering for Biola with my dad. That was good.
Then I met with a friend who will be in the room next to me at Biola for coffee. We talked close to two hours, and it was amazing. While we were talking about how crazy and mind-blowing the Body of Christ is, how much more vast is the grace of God then so many within he Christian industry like to allow for, a lady who overheard our conversation came over and chatted with us. She had heard us mention something about the idea of existing in a relationship with God in the now being the most important thing, and she gave us a quick run-down of some of her journey, then gave me a title of a good book to read, and I gave her the blog url. My friend and I agreed, that was the Body of Christ. To me, that interaction there was so much more the Body of Christ, so much more the Kingdom of God than many "churches" seem to arrive at by having once a week gatherings.
Then I went home and chatted with a good friend on the phone until 12 30.
Sounds like a good day... but it was also incredibly hard. Hard to be with Jacob. Hard to want to engage this Body lots of the time. Hard to have motivation when you are tired and beat down. But it was a day lived in the Kingdom.

I am finding God arrive in the lowly, in the broken, in the earthly, in the simple, in the paradoxilly horid and debased things. Which is the whole idea of the incarnation - God debased himself into man - and intesnified with the crucifixion - this God-man became the very worst of human existence. Yet here is where we find hope, love, resurrection.

I wrote this the other day:

Oh Lord...

The Unsurpassable
Who was surpassed
The Unkowable
Made known
The Unattainable
Come closer than a lover
The high & lofty
Made filth & dirt
The transcendant
Made earthly;
Nay, less than earthly:
Hellish, horrid, the bane of our existence.
This is horrible. This is ugly.
This is paradoxical. This is tragic.
This is love.

I miss Jacob. Psalm 44
Rob (brother)


Lynlee Bischoff said...

Tom - has an amazing experience last night when I asked a church full of about 500 people to pray for Jacob with me...... so much love!!!

Victoria said...

Rec'd email request to post from Carol:

As you all get ready for your dinner may there be sense of celebration for Robbie. He is continuing with what God has for him even though it's hard for him to go.

Tom, as you and Jensen are traveling down to Southern California may you guys have lots of laughs and make some fun memories together. Not only to share with Debbie when you guys get back but also to share with Jacob when he is awake and alert. Enjoy your evening and packing time.
Blessings, Carol

Anonymous said...

All of these posting are a wonderful love story on so many levels!

Lysa said...

Dear Family - I know Laurie, and she told my mom and me about Jacob. I have been following the website daily and my prayers are always with you. Just a small bit of confidence... 4 years ago, I, too, was in a medically induced coma due to blood clots following surgery. My point in telling you this, is that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!! I am 4+ years over my "event" and am doing better than well. I am living a normal life, other than medications that shouldn't be for someone my age. I'll take it!! Please know that my family and I are thinking of your family constantly and sending well wishes always.

Vicki Hallof said...

Tom, I was just sitting here thinking that you and Robbie should turn this blog into a book. There have been so many lives changed as a result of your journey. I was even thinking that Curt Camerons production company could make a movie of this journey. Imagine how much a book of your journey would bless and uplift other families in trauma. Perhaps your new calling is to be a hospital chaplain? I am so moved by both your writing and your faith. Know you are loved. Vicki Hallof.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kirkendell family,
From the first day, my family and I have gotten up in the morning wanting to know about Jacob, and at night we talk about you. Your family is always in my thoughts. Your words have touched my heart, a heart that has never forgotten what God's words are but circumstances have caused me to drift from prayer. Thanks to your family, for the first time in many years I have began to pray, with my whole heart and mind focused on the word of God, asking for Jacob's health and to see him smile once again. Unfortunately the English language is my second language and its difficult to explain my thoughts, but I know faith and love don't trespass language barriers.
Much love,

Merlyn and Rosemary Fordice said...

dear ones....we are praying for you, and want you to know that your daily messages are such a blessing to us...We are 84 and 83...I was the chaplain at Santa Clara Medical Center for 30 years...I had the priviledge of ministering to many dear ones , and cherish the opportunity of praying for you...We are now retired and living in Lookout Mountain, Ga.
Tom. If God would call you to that ministry,the rewards are many, and there is a Chaplaincy program right there at the Hospital lGod bless you Merlyn Fordice .