Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"Its me, Mom..."

"It's me, Mom..." I've said that to Jake slowly as I look into his foggy eyes for days. The past 2 days, I don't have to say it as much, Jake has opened his arms (right one shaky)and held me to him till I've cried into his neck - I am soooo proud of him!

On my personal inner life part, do not ask me why, but I find myself more exhausted and overwhelmed by the positive signs Jacob is showing than I was by some of his struggles! Change is so hard, even when it's wonderful change. I guess - I just have to say "thank you" - I will never stop thanking God for all of you who have saved him, prayed for him and us, have sent money, have sent notes, food, gift cards, cleaned our house, been loving us in ways we will never know about - thank you to those who have cared so well for Robbie and Jensen in ways we have not been able to - I have to trust that God knows who you all are and will strengthen your hearts, encourage you, give you courage and hope as we are being given...

August 19 from Sarah Arthur devotional, One Year Daily Grind

"The artist can, out of his own experience, tell the common man a great deal about the fulfillment of man's nature in living; but he can produce only the most unsatisfactory kind of reply if he is persistently asked the wrong question." - Dorothy Sayers

This curious quote helped me wade through some of the odd and convoluted responses Jesus gave to many of the questions he was asked. It's not that he was evading the issues by offering unsatisfactory answers, but that he was "persistently asked the wrong question." He was continually being asked to solve people's problems - e.g., "Tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me" or is it right to pay taxes to Caesar?" etc - when the real issue was their salvation. So he never quite gave the answer people were looking for. The paralytic wanted physical healing, but Jesus offered him forgiveness of sins first. That's because the important question wasn't "will you heal my paralysis?" but will you heal my spiritual brokenness?"
Sayers wrote, "The artist does not see life as a problem to be solved, but as a medium for creation." I've made the mistake of looking at the whole story of Scripture in terms of a problem to be solved, such as the separation of humankind from God, whereas God may be looking at it through the lens of the artist. No wonder the "solutions" have always seemed slightly odd! Rather than abolishing sin and death immediately, God is using those realities as a medium for new creation, not as some sort of flu epidemic that needs the right vaccine. Each human life is a canvas, and all experiences, both good and bad, are crafted into he making of the overall picture. God will create something different of your life than of mine, and it will be beautiful and unique. But it probably will be messy and rather unsatisfactory too - from our limited perspective, anyway.
Meanwhile, we must not expect all our problems to be solved or our theological snarls to be unraveled. God isn't in the business of fixing old things; he is in the business of creating new ones.

Mark 2:1-12
A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."
Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, "Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?" Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, "Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . ." He said to the paralytic, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"

Love,

Debbie (Mom)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Debbie. That was a great devotional for this time. I welled up just imagining you finally able to hold Jake now and you know that he knows it's you! The journey continues, but I hope it seems not so dark any more. I'm still praying for even more miracles, with great thanksgiving to our dear Lord for His mercies so far.
Love, Ginger

Barbara Rea said...

Deb, this was a great post - thank you for such a timely word. Still praying, hoping and waiting with you. Love you ~ Barb

Anonymous said...

Nice to hear form you Debbie! A mother's love can only be topped by that of our Father. I am sure Jacob is so relieved to have you and Tom by his side, and as he expresses more and more of his love and gratitude to you, I hope you can experience all the joy you first experienced with him as a child, as he discovered the wonders of this world. There may be some of the difficulties of children as well, but you and I know how rewarding it was to see our kids grow and come of age with the many blessing surrounding them. I pray you get the priveledge to experience those joys a second time. I can imagine the depth of feelings as you hold him close and gather in all that is Jacob. His smell, his softness, the feeling of his body in your arms, the love he returns to you, the dependency he grants you.
The heartfelt writings you all share seem to be a family trait now. You may never know how much they are helping others in their walk, and you may feel that they are just your thoughts that no one else quite understands, but as in your example of the artist's canvas, I am confident that your sharing is allowing others to create their own life experiences that God wants them to create. All our love, Guy and family

Ryan & Heather said...

Debbie,
I think of you many times throughout my day as I look at my little ones and can't imagine what you are feeling as you ride your roller coaster. I try to put myself at the bedside of one of my boys....but each time I read your writing I am blown away. God has grown you so much! I wish I could hug and bless you and then learn from you at such a time as this. I pray continuously for your strength!
What a beautiful instrument for Him you are!
There with you in prayer,
Heather Nelson

Anonymous said...

Wow Debbie, that was deep. Always amazes me how God can touch so many lives, speak to so many hearts, reveal so much more of Himself to individuals - through difficult journeys. Thanks for sharing how He has spoken to you today.

Hugs, Karen