Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Eyes on hope, here

As I had a lot of down time today, doing some reflecting... I realized that we can console ourselves as much as we want with the fact that Jacob is getting better, that he is alive, that he is recovering... and all of these are amazing things that I am beyond grateful for. But that does not change the grief and heartache that I have for where he has been, where he is at and what he will have to go through. The shame, humiliation, apathy... not to mention the pain. On this path that we are walking... I can either look down at my feet and focus on the stepping stone where we are at currently... or I can look up and squint to try and see the horizon, to see if this endless path is coming to a close, to see what is ahead. I don't know which one I should focus on. There are good and bad things to both. I can look ahead and try to say that everything looks like it will turn out ok... but what if it doesn't? What about all of those other stories that people have where things utterly fail? Is there still hope then? I sure hope so. (See an earlier post titled "The Hope That Lies in You"). Maybe that hope is more in this moment, in this very stepping stone that seems to be so saturated in pain and doubt... because we are still loved.

Jacob will begin surgery on his head either Friday or Monday. The first step is removing the dead bone in the skull. The head wound itself will be a 6-8 week process, during which time it is possible that he will be able to go home, but still a grueling recovery.
The thing that scares me the most is to what extent he will be able to fully recover. There are a lot of unknowns. We are starting to "feel bad for him..." to see his emotions and empathize with the heartache that he will have to go through. In the evenings he begs my mom through tears to not leave. Jacob asked my mom how long he had been in the hospital... she told him almost two months, and he mouthed the word "overwhelmed."

So please pray for this new leg of the journey, involving a lot more of his psychological and emotional state... pray for his stamina to continue on the road to recovery, and for that of my parents.

Here is my prayer for Jacob this afternoon:

"Father, I come to you in this time of Jacob's brokenness... I don't want anymore pain. For him, for me, for anyone. But I know more will come. So I ask, please do what you will NOW. Get it over with, while we are already broken. Work on my heart. Work on Jacob's heart. Unify my family. Unify your Body. Conduct the orchestra of our cries for restoration in its fullness... please keep is from more heartache. Yet I already know that this prayer will not be answered as I ask it, because I've already seen and heard so many other stories of brokenness. Of death, despair, sorrow... utter evil. So Lord, I guess all I can do is trust you. Hope that your presence will only come more fully through all of this. That you gently and tenderly open up the wounded skies of our hearts, so that you can descend even deeper into the depths of the earth of our souls. THIS IS LOVE. This is the promise of the incarnation, of Messiah, of death on a cross - that you continue to incarnate, to save, to sacrifice your own desire and will so you can be with us. Make your presence know to Jacob in the fullest measure possible through this time. "

As I read Isaiah this summer, I remarked a lot (sometimes on this blog) at how the promise of Christ, the promise of Messiah coming to save, was very closely associated with the presence of God being re-established among his people.
Then I started reading the gospel according to Matthew.
In Matthew 3, John the Baptist declares "Repent! For the Kingdom of heaven is at hand."
Matthew explains that this was to fulfill an Old Testament prophecy of the one who would "Prepare the way of the Lord," the one who would "make his paths straight."
Then, in an ironic moment, this man who was preparing the way of the Lord baptizes Jesus... baptizes the Savior, the one who he was waiting for. He baptizes the one he should have been baptized by. Maybe this was the very way that John the Baptist was to "prepare the way..." because after this baptism, "behold, the heavens were opened to him... and he saw the SPIRIT OF GOD DESCENDING LIKE A DOVE AND COMING TO REST ON

The promise of the presence of God. Fulfilled. The presence of God descended onto our earth, through this man Jesus. Then this man Jesus died because of Love... thus, somehow, spreading this presence that he was anointed with onto all mankind, through his Resurrection; in death, was life found.
This is the presence that I am asking that Jacob receive.

-Rob (Jake's brother)


einbildungskraft said...

Show your dear son, continually, your happiness and joy at how far he has come, the trials he has already conquered, impart to him the importance of rising to the challenge and your certainty that he has the will-power, fortitude, and ability to TRIUMPH !!! With your help, or without your help!

Victoria said...

Rec'd email request to post from Carol:

Allow God to ignite that fire of hope in you. I believe that God will do awesome things for your brother Jacob. He will also use Jacob to be a testimony of His healing power, grace and mercy. God has some awesome plans for Jacob. God is also bringing you & your parents closer to His heart. He is transforming all of you from the inside out.

God will use this time for His glory. I'm praying that God will begin to heal your brothers skull, scalp and anything else that needs to be healed up. God is in the midst of your furnace right along with you and your family. Rejoice in the fact that He will see you all through this time.
Blessings, Carol