Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Weds Evening

I am sitting alone right now in Jacob's room. Deb is hopefully sleeping. Days from now, when they determine that they can remove his breathing tube he will also begin to wake up. I long for that and dread that. My 17 year old baby boy will being to realize the pain, comprehend the injuries, take in where he is and a portion of what has happened. They will not be able to give him the same level of pain medication he has now because it affects the lungs. Necessary painful steps forward.

Two weeks ago in the midst of my anguish I cried out: "God this is more than I can handle. This is too much for me. Beyond what I can bear." I have heard a lot that God will not give you more than you can handle but I cannot seem to find that verse in the Bible. The closest is in 1 Corinthians where Paul is saying God will not tempt us beyond what we are able and will provide a way out so that we do not sin. The truth is that God does give us more than WE can bear but HE does not abandon us and will guide us through the pain toward maturity, growth, perseverance, shaping of our character and for his name to be glorified.

What is going on with Jacob is totally beyond what I can bear. I hate this. I am so distraught as to what has happened and what his body is like right now; it breaks my heart. And it should. This is my son. Sure, pain in this life is inevitable and though we want to protect our children, things happen. But this is so off the chart it wrenches at every fiber of my being. It is more than I can handle; beyond what I can bear. And yet...

God is the same yesterday, today, and forever
God does not change
God is all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present, eternal
God is hope, love, mercy, grace
God is good
God is so much more

My circumstances will and do change
both painful and glorious
But God, who is the same is right here with me
God, may you be glorified, celebrated and honored
even in the midst of this moment, this horrible, unbearable moment
God is here holding my hand - and I am holding his quite hard
I will not stop praising his name

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The prayers continue and the journey moves forward.

Love, peace, joy

In Christ,

Tom

11 comments:

Nic said...

Godbless you and your sweet boy. Did you know that in the midst of your own pain, your words bring comfort to others in their own trials?

My family is praying for your and your dear Jacob.

Thank you,
Nichole

janetmarie emily said...

Romans 15:13 is one of my favorites.
I am praying for you all.

yooper1714 said...

I haven't written on here yet but I have been reading your blogs since they started. Reading tonight though, I felt like the Lord quickened the story of Lazarus to my heart. After three days, God can to move within science and logic to restore breath into his body. His body would have been completely stiff, barren and yet when Jesus spoke so clearly for Lazarus to come forth, he was able to do just that. However, because God works within our physical bodies, I can imagine he didn't do a backflip from his bed. It probably took days for him to feel like his normal self, much less comprehend what had just happened to him.

Jacob hasn't died but he will certainly be shocked by what happened to him when God restores his full functions once again. However, what an awesome privilege it is that God would use Jacob to be a walking miracle, much like Lazarus was to that generation.

I never met Jacob but I hope I will in the future. He looks like someone that is just blossoming into the greater things that God has for him. That may sound cliche but I know that it isn't. Anyway, I am praying for you and hope that this finds some encouragement to you tonight.

Joslin3 said...

Keep holding on tight!

We're praying.
Laura

Eric Williamson said...

Tom,

My heart yearns to bring you any comfort possible. Standing in this "I can't handle it anymore" position with you, I long to tell you "it'll be OK", and yet both of us know those would just be my words. My words plus four dollars will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks, but that's about it. No, my words aren't what you need to hear. So, as you continue to cry out to God, I will give you His words...

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24

Yes, Jesus said that as He was teaching His followers about faith. The context supports it completely, as Jesus answers Peter's questions.

Honestly, to face those words while also not seeing my son stand up is the most challenging thing I've ever done - to trust that my Lord will be faithful to His word in the face of all the contrary appearances - and yet at the same time I find that His strength carries me to continue each day. I know it's small comfort, but I commend you for being honest about the idea of God "not giving us more than we can handle" not appearing in the Bible - God wants our all, and if being cast into the storm forces us to strip off our encumbrances and cling to the Rock, we're right where He wants us - in Him.

I find that a situation like ours often feels like that moment when we're not sure the hammock is going to take our weight; but as we learn how to get into the darn thing and rest there, our perspective on its ability to carry our weight changes. Never forget that He is Good.

Clinging to Him right next to you,

Eric Williamson
Connor's Dad
www.connorwatch.org

Bob Duffy said...

Today we will focus on "rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, (being) devoted to prayer..." and "rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep...". Rom. 12:12,15.
Tom and family, we are weeping and (alternately) rejoicing right along with you, lifting you up to His throne and begging for His grace to help in time of need. We can only imagine (having not experienced it directly outselves) what you're going through. And we want you to know we're weeping along with you. Staying in prayer, day and night,
-the Duffys

Katie Hund said...

Thank you for these words. As much as they are hard to read, it is also a sweet image of how God loves us through how you love your son.

mshamaya said...

Tom and family - Thank you for speaking so candidly from your heart - you are teaching and inspiring us all to ask for God's grace constantly for Jacob, you and others. Sue Shamaya and family (Waykers)

Donna said...

My heart breaks for you and yet I know we serve a great God. A couple years ago I almost lost my sister, my best friend. She was in ICU for a month and a recover room for another. All we could do is pray, touch her, talk to her (without any response) and be there when she came around. God heard and answered our prayers and to this day I am still amazed that a body can go through so much. God heals and through that he strengthens us too.

Matt 21:22 "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive."

It may be baby steps but hold on because our God is amazing and He loves us.

May our loving, caring God hold all of you close to Him, in His strong and steady hands.
Donna

Shannon said...

Tom and Robbie...thank you so much for your insights, honesty, hope and faith! I pray constantly for Jake. I can remember so clearly waiting in the hospital when my brother's wife was in her coma from the car accident 5 years ago and how hard it was to wait and not be able to do anything but pray. Tom--in your writing I was reminded of you running day camps so many years ago and the impact you and your family had back in those days! and now how amazing your family still is and the faith you all still have even in the midst of the unknown! Thank you again for sharing. Everytime I read updates I am blown away about how God is using you and Robbie to share so much of God's heart! I think Robbie was about 3 or 4 the last time I remember seeing him and I am so amazed about the young man he has become! My family is continually praying for Jake's recovery, the journey ahead, and for your family!

God Bless,
Shannon Berendes

Cindy Todd said...

Tom and Debbie, I am sorry I misunderstood yesterdays blog. I will continue to pray for the tube to be removed. Tom, your hearts cry mimic in so many ways the things Claudia expressed as she was on her journey. I am so thankful for the "and yet...". It makes it bearable to know that our God is there and He doesn't move! Loving and praying for you all, Cindy