Sunday, July 12, 2009

Restless Night

Robbie and Jensen are still asleep. Debbie got up early and is at the hospital. She just called and said that it seems that Jacob had a restless night. She wants me to get some music in the room for Jacob. The nurse said that he is more aware now of sounds. Jacob being more aware means that he shakes his head back and forth and moves his left hand when they clean his lungs, move his legs, mess with the multiple tubes intruding his body. We are noticing the things he does not like.

They are reducing the paralytic medicine so he is moving more. While this is a good thing, it takes some getting used to movement. There is a bit of a blessing in seeing him at rest. At least our perception of rest. I know that within his body there is a fight going on for healing. I continue to pray that the Spirit of God would continue to minister to his spirit to comfort him, hold him, love him. It is good and necessary to come down off the paralytic we know that but as we move forward there is so much more to come - more healing but in the midst of that more pain - more hurt - more weariness. The realization that he will be more aware of what has happened, where he is...etc hurts my heart.

There is a cyclical nature in how we deal with grief and emotions in the midst of trauma, heartache, "trials of various kinds." It is good for me to remember that where I am right now is not where I will be emotionally tomorrow. That I will go through more cycles as things come up. In the midst my unemployment and job search we talked about it in terms of SARAH: shock, anger, resentment, acceptance, hope.

Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross developed a "grief" model as she worked with terminal patients. As with everything people have tweeked, developed, renamed it. For me right now, the important thing is not the actual stages but that it is cyclical. The Psalms reveal this type of cycle as well as David at times cries out to God in anger, depression, thankfullness...etc).

I was thinking about James, Mary and the rest of Jesus family watching the trauma that Jesus went through. God watched his own son go through such torment. I am sure that James thought of that pain when he wrote of finding joy in trials of various kinds, faith, perseverance and maturity. There is no way something like this cannot change you, grow you, develop you. I take that back - if I get stuck in depression-anger-resentment there will be change but the seeds of bitterness will take root and pull me down. Moving through the cycle to see the hope - see the love - see the faith - develops maturity.

I was reading 1 Thessalonians 1 this morning. I read it and really just read it. Then I went back and I began to see how beatifully it reflects on the community that is rallying behind Jacob's journey..."We always thank God for all of you mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." (1Thes1:2-3) Take the time to read the rest of 1 Thes 1 because that really is only the beginning. God is moving through you - and we are hearing of your faith, love and hope which encourages our endurance for today at the hospital.

Heal our son Lord
Hear our cry
Work produced by faith
Labor prompted by love
Endurance prompted by hope

Tom

6 comments:

jacquie said...

Tom and Debbie, I am sorry to hear about Jacob's restless night, but am
comforted by the fact that our Awesome God has him in His arms. We
will continue to pray for all of you, for peace and rest.
I am so saddened by what has happened to your Jacob and our hearts
go out to you every day. We have 3 boys ourselves and my oldest
actually looks a lot like your Jacob. I can't even begin to understand
all you are feeling and experiencing. This hits so close to home that
in a flash how our lives can change. Thank you for letting us be a part
of this journey with you all and for Your encouraging words about
our God.
Peace and Love to you all
The Peterson in Aptos

Bob Duffy said...

We continue to lift all of you up to the arms of Jesus, for healing, for endurance, for perseverance, and for hope. We are continuing to pray morning and night, and in the in-between time.
-the Duffys

Cynthia said...

Tom and Debbie - It is so true that grief of any kind is cyclical. Thankfully our dependance on God carries us through. We continue to pray for Jacob and your family as you deal with today and the events ahead. We love you! Cindy

rickyedrington said...

Thank you for the words you give us all in helping us learn of God's ways as you move along the painful journey.We continue to pray for Jacob and hear from many others who are, too. Today at church many people asked me how Jacob was as if they know him, and they feel they do from all you say in this blog. The 4th grade class signed a surfboard they had in the class (a symbol they have been using to study the adventure of faith in Jesus) for Jacob. I will photo it and put it in the prayer album that's been started by Renee. On Friday I was at the "concrete boat beach" with the high school group, and at the Pixy Deli there was a poster and a fundraising jar for Jacob! The kids got excited about being able to help even on a beach trip and to see how many people are aware and praying for you all.

Mom said...

Dear Tom, Today we finished the prayer blanket for Jacob. We tied knots and prayed for Jacob with each knot. We will deliver it to you soon. The material has dolphins on it so that Jacob can remember the beach. We know he won't be able to use it for awhile but in the meantime it can comfort you and the family in knowing that it is held together with prayers for Jacob. We met Tyler today and were so encouraged by his testimony and word of his visit with you. Our prayer is claimed for the same miracle for Jacob. Lots of love to you all.
Joy and Vicki Hallof
PS I posted a picture of the blanket on Facebook with Erika Wilkins and I finishing the last knots.

Victoria said...

forwarded from Carol:

Tom and family,
Wow, what a journey y'all have been on. It is so neat to hear how God has been sooooooo faithful to you and yours. It is so hard when your kids are in pain knowing you can do nothing to help them. At least we know that God cares and He is there for them. How people live and go through things without God is amazing to me.
God gives so much to us at times like these. I pray for your son quite often that God would do miracles in him. That He would touch and heal his lungs, back, feet and arms and even places I'm not aware of that he needs healing. That God would speak to his soul and transform him inside out. God can reach him like no one else can. God is more than able to hold him, kiss him and most of all touch him. God seems to be transforming you and your family in the process. Relationship with God is so much better than religion. It is so refreshing to see how people (believers) are reaching out to you and your family at this time in your lives. That is family and that's what we should be doing all the time. It should never matter what church you are going to or not going to. God never looks at stuff like that 'cause He sees things so much different than we do. If we all could grasp that, how we could change this world for Jesus. May you and your family continue to be strengthen by the Holy Spirit and encouraged by the body of Christ. May the light of Christ shine ever so brightly for y'all as you walk this chapter of your lives out. I'm trusting that God will use this to encourage others and be a total witness of His healing power.
Blessings................................Carol