Friday, July 10, 2009

Resting in today for courage

While they have been doing some adjusting to Jacob's medications, reducing the paralytic and increasing the pain medication, we continue to have as our goal as rest and healing. Healing is gauged by the health of his lungs - how much oxygen he needs to assist his breathing and keep his actual intake above 90% and how much oxygen is in the blood when they take samples. The measures are indicating that he is healing. "Lord, breathe your breath that created life to restore the lungs of my son."

I long to see my Jacob with his eyes open and his mouth without tubes able to speak -to hear the crazy things he ponders and makes up. I wish that this were one of his tricks and that we could laugh and it would be all over. The road before us is daunting if we look forward too far. Today, living in the present moment holds tremendous power. If I am not present, I miss the time I got to spend today with Jensen as I picked him up from a friends house. We got to go swimming and walked to get some dinner. Oh the joy of life that he holds. Enjoy the moment for moments do change.

The day before Jacob's injury I wrote this in my journal.

Today, O Lord, I sit in full confidence
not confidence in my ability or my fortune
no, this confidence is fully and wholly in you - in your son -
"in Him and through him we may approach God with freedom and confidence" (Eph 3:12)

Tomorrow, I will doubt and awaken in fear,
this fear will drive me to panic and desperate planning
apparent confidence in myself will mask this fear
I will mourn deep within my soul, seeing victories as mine

Yet today, I rest in you; I approach you
that is so crazy that I: defiant, schemer, cheater
I can approach the throne of the most high, holy, majestic creator
not just bowing but crawling into your lap and embracing you

Tomorrow is tomorrow - today I will hold on to you
being in your presence is all that is important
tomorrow has enough to worry about - I will focus on today
that I might catch a bit more of your unsearchable

All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the Lord
and all the families of the nation will bow down before Him
They will proclaim His righteousness to a people yet unborn
for He has done it. (Ps 22:27, 31)

What I fear most is that what I which I cannot control;
trusting enough to release the illusion of control takes tremendous courage
a loving community builds courage and eliminates fear
we have such a loving community surrounding us, surrounding Jacob

Peace and love

Tom

4 comments:

Rebecca said...

Lord, we rejoice that Jacob continues to heal and gain the ability to breathe on his own. Thank you for helping him. Thank you for helping his family. Father, whether they are awake or asleep I ask that you will refresh them, strengthen them, and hold them up. Lord, we wait on you. Active waiting, the kind where we think on the truth of your promises, the integrity of your character, the faithfulness of your provision and the overwhelming love you have for us and we are restored. We wait together.

renee said...

Amen! I LOVE Rebecca's prayers! She she puts into words what I feel...thank God he knows my deepest thoughts and desires when I pray. Otherwise, I'd seem caveman-ish when I was talking with Him and pleading with Him in the middle of the night : )
Love you guys!
-Renee

jacquie said...

Father thank you for loving this family and holding Jacob in your arms.
Please continue to heal and breathe your breath into Jacob's lungs.

Our prayers are with you every step of this journey.
Thank you also for your encouraging words every day.
God be with you all
Jacquie

Noree said...

"Tommy" and family~
Once again, your blog calms and feeds all who read it~daily, hourly. After talking to your mama yesterday, her voice conveyed hope and renewed strength. Know that you are all in our countless prayers~you must feel it. As you said...baby steps...one step at a time.
In my heart~in my prayers~
Noree