Friday, July 24, 2009

Perception of reality

Jake's face is looking good! It is so awesome to have is tube out of his throat and to see his face again. They cleaned him up a bit from the surgery and his is doing good. As we got there early This morning he was peaceful. About 10 he started shuttering, shaking, shifting in pain. His left arm looking for someone or something to damage. Vitals continue to be good - his fever is high.

They are hopefully keeping his pain and sedation meds up to give the grafts time to heal. His thighs are covered and most likely hurting for that is where they took the skin from. Starting tomorrow they will be bringing down the meds more which will move his body into more withdrawal. They will also be taking the tube off the the trach from time to time to test his breathing and to give his diaphragm a little exercise. It only takes 12 hours for the diaphragm to weaken being on life-support breathing machine.

One of the difficult things of this journey is that reality is much bigger than my perception. Isn't that so often the case? I look in the mirror and try to tell myself I have lost weight and then step on the scale and find out the opposite is true?

My perception of this journey has been in the context of days. Today as we approach the weekend of of the 4th week I am beginning to emerge to the reality that we are talking months - several months. I was in Jacob's room falling asleep this morning (at 9am no less - time to stop drinking decaf) and was visited by two medical professionals - one was a rehab doctor the other I think is a respiratory therapist. They are beginning to talk and prepare us for what rehab will be like when Jake begins to wake. As they assess where he is now and where we can get him.

My reality was hit by a cannon ball and blown out of the water. I will not pretend that I took it all in but what I got was that he may need to re-learn hot to breath, swallow, talk. The trach hole is not in there for a couple of days but much, much longer - depending on how his system responds as he comes out of the fog. I see Jacob back in the water surfing by September - but there is huge reality of the gravity of these wounds and the long and cavernous tunnel of recovery.

A new and dear friend posted this on her facebook: "wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness and it's power of endurance - the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it better, will preserve it longer than the sad or sullen."

What timing as I had to escape the hospital in tears this morning. It is the attitude with which I approach all of this - the gratitude in my heart, the hope, the belief - not that it will all go according to the way I deem it should go. That is way to shallow. There is a bigger picture - a reality beyond my perception. If I wallow and as my wife put it this morning- flatten - I will miss the simple truth that healing and restoration is taking place and that the love and support of those around me is a gift that God is giving me to face and persevere in the midst of this trauma. That I might see the light in the eyes of my son regardless of any other injury and that I might hold him and love him in the midst of the storm. That I might lift the focus off of any pain I might have and be loving, available and present for my family through this time.

Praying together in the midst of this journey

Tom (Dad)


Bob Duffy said...

As I was just sharing (in some small way) the burden on your heart and the anguish you must be feeling, God brought the verses before Phil. 4:7 to mind, i.e. Phil. 4:4-6:
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."
Then Phil. 4:7 "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

So I will pray that:
1. God will allow you to rejoice in what he's already been doing (I review the blog and the many answers to prayer God has already answered)
2. God will continue to allow your gentleness to be made known (as so many of us have already seen in your writings)
3. God will remove the anxiety and anxiousness you must be feeling, and allow you to rest in the assurance God is near.
4. God would give you His peace, beyond all of our understanding, and that is would guard your heart and mind.

Continuing to lift all of you up to the arms of Jesus,
-the Duffys

Ruth Landmann said...

From Isaiah 40:31 "Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint"--help us Lord, help us Lord in Thy way.

This verse has been on my heart as I've thought about Jacob and the family these past weeks.

The journey is long, but God's promises are forever. Be comforted in faith and hope.

Johanna said...

Oh Tom and are so loved.....May He hold you, as you wish to hold your son. Still praying for you ALL...

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed.."

Anonymous said...

Love and prayers for all of you, as you negotiate the long road to recovery. So much progress this week - healing, but tough adjustments too... thinking of you and Jacob often.

Karen Wells

einbildungskraft said...

There will be light at the end of the cavernous tunnel; stay strong for him, so that when he sees you he will know that he will get better, quickly, he will understand and rise to the challenge.

Anonymous said...

Tom ~ I am heartened to hear your words parallel the Bible. I am also heartened to hear of the progress Jacob is making. As you watch from moment to moment… we hear of your trial from day to day. There is progress interwoven in your words, cool to hear. Not everyone can understand the conviction that your God is with you during this time. We continue to pray He is. dug

Lois Stinogel said...

I continue to read your writings and get blessed. I may never meet you all here on earth but we will meet in heaven and be together forever!

Lois Stinogel-Fergus Falls, Minn.

Anonymous said...

Yes, the road will be long. Continue to rest and pace yourselves. You are doing wonderfully. It sounds like Jacob is progressing, though slower than you would like, it sounds promising.

FROG4U said...

Once again I sit here in tears as I read your words of sorrow and of encouragement. I can not know the pain that you experience daily but I know that there is a God of comfort and Mercy, there is a God that will draw you close and will never leave you. You know that God and that is an encouragement to me. I see the Relationship you have with the Father every day through what you share. My heart goes out to you and your family. I pray continuously for Jacob. I pray for his immediate healing so that he can get back to the task of Loving others as He has been loved by Christ. I was at the concert on Wednesday and was amazed at the amount of Love that people had for him and was so blessed by what his friends had shared about how he loved and accepted everyone no matter what. He has such a heart for the Father and that is such a blessing and the Lord will reward him for that. Yes it is going to be a long road but be encouraged that in the end you will have a testimony that will serve the Father and Glorify him and draw others to him as you already have.
Continue to rest in him and Just Rest. Jacob is in the best hands of all he is in the Arms of the Father.