Friday, July 31, 2009

Morning from D-Mom

This is the first morning in almost 5 weeks that I have not gone straight to the hospital to be with Jacob - it is killing me. Jensen (12yrs) is snoozing still on the pull-out bed in our hotel room. Tom has gone to get clothes that I am out of - his mom and dad have been doing our laundry, taking care of our dog, being at the hospital, committed, faithful and loving to us all along the way. One nurse even mentioned to me that when Papa (Tom's dad) is alone in Jake's room, there is a quiet strength and peace about him - I quite agree.

I have my once a month headache - it is right on one temple and down my left neck to my pinched nerve in left shoulder blade that acts up every now and then. I'll take my drugs and be ok...what truly gets me is thinking of all the pain and confusion and frustration etc that Jakey must be going thru @ some levels. He works so hard at squirming/thrashing out of the hospital bed - which we're told is fairly common - that at times it's almost comical but at other times it's devastating for my heart.

I do believe that in those hazy, foggy baby blues of his Jacob has had a little light of recognition go off twice when he has "seen" me. I've not known what rejoicing really is until I've seen that little light and his eyes widen a bit and his eyebrows raise and he leans toward me...I've kissed his face a few times over now and I swear he gave me a lopsided slight grin once yesterday when I took off my mask.

Have I mentioned that I'm trying to be sleeping here this morning? Instead I am all wound-up and writing this - "no one's" there with Jake yet...not family...he is never alone and yet I am so anxious. When Jake is some day out of that bed, I keep telling Dr's and nurses that I am going to climb into it and stay there. I do not know why I say that - guess it's quote I keep thinking about from Evanovich novels, "stick a fork in me, I'm done." But better yet is God's quote that he keeps whispering to me, "this is the path I have for you, now walk in still and know that I am God...I will never forsake you or leave you...behold I am making all things new."

So many more - for which I am so grateful...staying sane one breath at a time.

D - mom


rickyedrington said...

Yes,we all try to remember in the hardest and best of times that we are with God and He is with us always. And thank you for the picture of Bob's quiet strength in that hospital room.

Still praying, Ricky

Cindy Todd said...

Love you and praying for you Debbie!

Cindy Todd said...

I love you and continue to pray for you Debbie!

Laura Bennet said...

Yes, Kirkendahls! The pattern of your lives do display the conviction of your hearts. Thank you. Love, Laura Bennet

Carolyn =^..^= said...

Thank you for sharing your heart Debbie. I haven't met you or Jacob but the Holy Spirit has put your family on my heart and I pray many times throughout the day for all of you. The body of christ is a beautiful thing.

Love and prayers,
Carolyn Sweetland-Gregg

Anonymous said...

May He continue to hold Jacob....all of you.

with love,
Mike & Reena Leraas