Thursday, July 9, 2009

Living in the moment...

Quick disclaimer:
There will be a benefit show for Jacob on the 22nd of this month at Santa Cruz Bible Church!!! It is going to be amazing. There are many individuals and businesses that are offering their support to put on this event. PLEASE, please check out the website made for the concert at the link above, as well as here:
I am really excited about this, I hope that as many of you as possible can come. Also, if you have recently been following this blog or if you haven't checked it in awhile, please look at the column on the left to see ways you can help, financial or otherwise. Numbers 3 and 5 are especially close to my heart, because they are setting up a monument of love for Jake that he will be overwhelmed with when he wakes up. Please do what you can. Regarding number 3, we still need a lot of pictures for our friend to make a book for Jake. Please read.

Never before have I better experienced this idea: "living in the moment." What has happened isn't important. What will happen in the future is irrelevant. For now, we are zeroed in on sustaining Jake in this moment.

My (words fail me here) "beloved" brother Jacob is resting well. He is stable. He is excreting well (yes it means what you think). Like the last post said, the surgery was fine. They will probably not operate again until Tuesday because they are comfortable with his current state. I am hoping that in this time we will see some real improvement, that the paralytic medication could be reduced, and that his lungs would see rapid improvement. Tuesday is 5 days away... 5 days to pray and rest.
I have been telling people that the reality of how long this process will be is finally starting to settle in. For example, they are a little worried about nerve damage in his arm that will possibly limit the use of his right arm. His recovery process will be unimaginable. Even emotionally. He will go through more physical, mental and spiritual pain than I think any of us have gone through so far. As much as I want to see him as a helpless child who I need to sacrifice myself for in order for him to recover, I need to realize that he is going through a journey in his own right, and that he has his own responsibility to recover. We can't do it for him. So far I think "Jacob's Journey" is a bad title because it has been what we all are going through for his sake. It is a mixed bag of not wanting him to go through more pain, but knowing that he must continue on this journey more than ever before when he wakes up. PRAY FOR HIM.
After he wakes up he will need prayer more than ever before. I encourage all of you to not expend your powers of support before that day. Although I am convinced that you have been sustaining him in your all-night prayers and daily petitions, GET REST. This will be a process with no end in sight. Learn what it means to rely on others and be sustained in this moment.

There is so much I could say. But there is hardly I need... in this community that is rallying around me, in the ways that God is working, I am actually experiencing so many things that were previously just theories. And its like I never knew anything at all.

For instance, the idea of viewing everything through the lens of Christ, and seeing God's Kingdom as being HERE and NOW, not just some vague spiritual "place" where we get to go when we die if only we can believe the right things. Wouldn't this life have much more value and purpose if we saw the message of Christ as bringing God's restoration and message of hope NOW? I have always had a passion for looking into this, making theories about what this meant. And now I am seeing it happen, because of who Jacob is. God is here, and we are becoming what Christ intended- a body of people together for the sake of love, reacting violently to this message of love... a song by The Ember Days says "Your Bride is coming to you... united in your arms." And we are. It's not about a post-death destination. It is all about loving God and loving others right now. At this moment. Seeing the love of the Father, realizing the reality of the Kingdom, and reacting extremely, violently.

May what has happened with Jacob not just be something that has happened, resolves itself and then forgotten. May it be a constant reminder for our entire lives of love. For the rest of our lives, may we intensify our community with others, and reach out all the more to bring others into this community. A Bride who is being prepared for her groom, being beautified and perfected. (weird imagery, i know, but humor my aesthetic tendencies :).

I will end with a prayer I wrote down this afternoon:

Father, forgive the great sin of my pride.
I assume, in my own ivory tower of self-made spirituality, that I am the closest to you. That I have all the answers. That I no one else knows as well as I do. That no one else understands fully. That I love you the most.
I confess this egregious sin.
And I excuse it all by claiming, "I am somehow one of the elect, better off than the rest, superior."
But just look at you! The Great Elect, who made himself not-elect to be with us, who covered himself in the filth of my own waste and excrement. This prideful spirituality is so far from who you are, from your Way. It is a far greater sin than those little things I see in others and condemn them for, that I wag my finger and my tongue at. If I am not accepting of the unaccepted, if I don't see myself as no better off than those that I label sinners in their brokenness, then I am a greater sinner because of my self-made righteousness.
The love of God is patient.
The love of God is kind.
The love o God does not boast.
The love of God does not envy.
The love of God does not insist on its own way.
The love of God is sacrificing.
The love of God is humiliation.
The love of God is agony to a holy God.
The love of God is insane! (mentally deranged?)
The love of God is divine, because in its perfection it becomes imperfect, proving its perfectly divine nature.

In the love of God I SELAH... I rest... I welcome it... I give up my ivory tower building project... I rest by loving others... I allow room for the Spirit to build his temple, which is US, the Bride.

What would it look like if our resting was synonymous with loving God and others?



Rebecca said...

Father, as Jacob is sedated and even paralyzed by the medications we pray that you will even now begin the spiritual, mental, and emotional healing that will enable him to fight through recovery when he wakes up We don't know what is going through his mind at this time, or even if he is thinking at all. But you do. I ask that you will join him in the mind that you created. Tell him your name! Let him know that you are in control. Give him a strong vision of the mission you have in mind for his life so that when he wakes he will be eager to begin. Father, answer his questions, fears, and give him assurance that will sustain him even now, while he is sedated. Lord I ask that when he wakes he will have a joyous reunion with his family, that he will have little, if any, adjustment to his circumstances because you have prepared him for the task. I ask that you will contain his pain and bear it for him so that he will not be discouraged or overwhelmed. Father, I ask that as you are healing him today that you will also heal his future. Give him grace more than equal to the task and a heart that will cry out to you for help. Lord, we ask in Jesus. Amen.

Victoria said...

I stand in agreement with Rebecca for Jacob, may this awesome prayer ring out at the feet of Jesus to the ears of our Father and move His Heart.

Mari said...

Here on the night shift....I also stand in agreement with the above powerful prayer for Jacob tonight! The chorus of a worship song we sang a few days ago has been stuck in my mind ever since, and I find myself singing it throughout the day as I think & pray for Jacob. I can only remember the chorus, but it goes like this.....

Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save!
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave!

That's all I can remember, but that's all i need. He can move mountains, and He can raise Jacob up again! We won't stop praying!

Sharon Shenk said...

We won't stop praying either!

Angela said...

I am thinking and praying for Jacob and all of you who are wrestling through this intensely difficult time. I am really moved by the obvious strength and perspective that God seems to graciously be pouring out in your lives. Thanks for allowing us to journey through this time with you by keeping this blog site updated. Love and prayers, Angela Goerz (from Baraka dorm days)