Monday, July 13, 2009

Moving forward...slowly...

Last night marked two weeks since we got the phone call about Jacob. Two weeks. Lives for ever set in a different trajectory. Decisions and choices for our lives still need to be made but there is still so much uncertainty and still with what we know right now decisions will need to be different. Robbie starting his second year of college. Me finding a job. Debbie returning to work. Jensen starting 6th grade. And Jacob - so much uncertainty - I hope to call his school today and at least start the conversation about options for his senior year. He was so looking forward to his schedule. Again of course I need to stay present in "where we are" and "what we know" but also we need to step forward.

Debbie and I are here in his room right now. Robbie left for work. My dad "Papa" is here. What has happened has dramatically changed all of our lives. I just got done reading cards and messages and am so overwhelmed. Jacob has been more active than before. He is completely off the paralytic but on other pain meds. One of the doctors was in earlier and he explained each medicine and what they do and how they interact and all of that. I cannot re-explain it to you - what we all want to know is the fact that Jacob is doing better. His lungs are healing. He is breathing more in his own. The Occupational Therapist was in working with his right arm and Jacob reacted more than I have seen him - grimace on his face - moving his left arm up - lifting his right leg. He did not like it. The pulmonary doctor said he is getting better. The plan is for surgery tomorrow to deal more with the burn areas.

Robbie and I went to see Star Trek last night. It was hard to totally focus; sent a text to check on Jake; almost walked out when I thought Captain Pike was going to be electrocuted. Constantly praying, thinking, missing Jacob. He would have mocked the movie - he always finds something stupid. He would have said "we should go to the beach not go to a movie."

As I read the letters, cards, messages, stories from people who are joining us on this journey, God continues to encourage me. I hear how God is moving in others lives and growing in their faith as we are.

Check out what 1 Thessalonians 1:4-10 says:
For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. The Lord's message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia—your faith in God has become known everywhere. Therefore we do not need to say anything about it, for they themselves report what kind of reception you gave us. They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead—Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath.

Though we are so overwhelmed in the midst of this journey and I absolutely hate what is going on with Jacob, seeing God move is so amazing, intoxicating, beautiful. God's Kingdom is at hand. As we pray together for Jacob, let's also pray together that we would recognize God moments in our day.

Heal our Son Lord
Meet us here today
We cry for mercy
We cry for grace
Gently touch him
Hold him, calm him
May our trust be faithful
We surrender and believe

Tom

8 comments:

Bob Duffy said...

To all the Kirkendalls,
Today I am praying that God would give you an extra measure of freedom from anxiety (aka anxiousness). "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". We have joined your petition to God: heal Jacob, and in that, glorify Yourself.
- the Duffys

FROG4U said...

I continue to pray for Jacobs complete healing and that the Lord would give you Rest. Rest in Him, Rest in knowing that God is in control, Rest in knowing that the Lord is your strength and your redeemer. I pray that you would all be able to have peace and know that God is having the Victory. I thank you for your vulnerability and that you are sharing so much of yourselves in this time. it has touched my heart and changed my life as well. I have renewed hope. I have a new sense of urgency to have a deeper relationship with my papa God. Thank you that in your difficult time you bring such light to others. When you need to receive you give so much of yourself. THank you. Blessings and Peace to you today.

Eric Williamson said...

Living in the moment is really, really hard - and especially so when every fibre of your being wants to DO something for the boy you love. I'm sure you're up to your ears in scripture, but for me even that sometimes fails to comfort when the doubts are lurking. I'm praying for you in particular, Dad. I know you are more than aware of your family looking to you for leadership and stability - it's something I never seem to get completely off my mind - so I pray for you as much as I do for your son.

I don't know if it is something that will help you, but since living in the now is something I struggle with, I often find myself looking at my dog. She's not the sharpest tack in the box, but she GETS living in the now. Everything is her favorite - food (the same stuff as yesterday and last week and last year), toys, blankets, people - she acts as if she's never experienced it before. And in a way she hasn't - she lives right now - no worries about tomorrow, no regrets from yesterday, or even an hour ago - just right now. And I often wonder - if a dog can get it so right, why can't I? Because I insist on trying to use my brain to change circumstances I can't, like my boy's situation, or to change the future, which has also proved a bit problematic.

Take a look at your dog the next time you start to fret over something. And while you do, remember that you've got brothers who care out here, holding you up when you can't do it yourself.

Eric Williamson
Connor's Dad
www.connorwatch.org

Lois Stinogel said...

I don't know you guys-I live in Minnesota. My neice, Pattie Boor knows your family and I got connected through her. But I am so blessed reading your writings through all your days. I have gone through my share of "histamine moments" that life throws at us-the anti-histamine is prayer. God is the stabilizing factor through it all. Lois Stinogel

KikiC said...

I don't know your family but have been praying for you since I read about the accident. Thank you for all your updates. You all write so beautifully. I'm sure I speak for many people when I say we appreciate the time you all take to keep everyone informed. Thank you.

SLOwsley said...

Tom (and family), in addition to reassuring you that there are many of us in "The Waiting Room" with you, I want to affirm you, dear brother, for the way you (and Robbie) are including us in your intimate journey of trusting God in the very midst of the present "unknown". We are drawn to your hearts - the highs and the lows. Thank you for allowing us the honor of crying with you as well as celebrating with you. We pray for you and Jacob constantly.
Scott & Sandy Owsley

Rene said...

Dear Kirkendalls,

We here at the Schlaepfer household are with you in spirit, along with the whole broader TLC family... You are the subject of conversations and the object of prayers. Your blogs are eagerly read and richly inspiring. We are with you.

Love,

Rene Schlaepfer

Rebecca said...

As I go to bed tonight I am praying that you will rest well and that Jacob will also. I'm praying that through the night Jacob will continue to improve so that any risk in surgery becomes small and the doctors can do what they need to do to help him heal. Lord we ask that you will help Jacob adjust to the new medications he is receiving. Give him strength to tolerate the adjustments and flood his body with pain killing endorfins. God you know Jacob inside and out having knit him together inside Debbie years ago. Please restore him anew - physically, mentally, emotionally, and most especially spiritually. Thank you for listening and caring as we seek you out. Father thank you for sustaining Jacob through this two weeks. Thank you for giving him life. Thank you for blessing the medical staff as they provide care and we ask you to continue to support them as they daily look for ways to aid Jacob. Lord we know they will be on the job long after Jacob no longer needs them and we ask you to bless them and protect them so that they will be able to help others also. We are so blessed to be able to come to you and know your loving care. I ask that you cover us all so we can honor you in love for one another.