Monday, July 6, 2009

End of week (weak) number one...

It is midnight - hard to get into bed to go to sleep.

We left the hospital tonight at about 10:30. Robbie was about 15 minutes ahead of us. By the time we left, Jacob's blood pressure stabilized. I pray that in the midst of the medication, wires, tubes, tape, wrapping, splints that he is finding rest.

I actually feel a little haunted right now - grabbed by thoughts I think. It is midnight and I really need to get some sleep. A week ago at this time I was standing in the ER in Santa Cruz in shock and trying to really understand what had happened to my son. I really did not understand a week ago the gravity of what is unfolding into this journey. I still do not fully realize what is before me. If I think to far into the future, I worry about so many things to come. If I look into the past too much, I focus on the pain and horror of my son being electrocuted. Faith keeps me present in today that I might not only be there for one son but for three.

I do need to look forward in hope. I do need to look back and learn - grow. But I need to function in the present; not frozen in the past or preoccupied with the future. Function in the present.

The reality of the suffering of my son has reminded me of the suffering of God's son. Jesus suffering was not just worse - it was purposeful. Jesus, as God's son, solved the problem of how sinful man could dwell in the presence of Holy God. This was not just who would go to heaven in the future but who could dwell with God now. Jesus said that the Kingdom of God was at hand - present and future. The life, death and Resurrection altered how we can approach God.

Oh, what pain the father felt as he saw the pain the son endured. The grace and mercy of God provided in great pain a way for man to get to God - through a relationship with his son. I do not really have any idea right now why Jacob is going through this - what God fully has in mind. But I do see one thing: Kingdom of God is at hand. I see it as I talk to people, hear their stories, hear their hearts, watch love poured out. God does not change - God is good - in the midst of triumph as well as tragedy. I see it as we cross boundaries to rally around a prayer of hope and restoration.

The beauty of God's Kingdom is what we are longing for: a love that is patient, kind, gentle, etc. It holds integrity, caring, and sacrifice. This is about loving God and loving people in a way that the character of God is reflected through us. What would it be like if the people who followed God actually treated each other as God desires us to? What would it be like if I chose just one day at a time to treat people with Godly love: patient, kind, gentle, not envious, forgiving, caring. It starts with me - it starts with us living in the presence of God.

I can go to sleep now.
Sleep well my Jacob, I love you.

Daddy.

5 comments:

FROG4U said...

I continue to pray for Jacob and for the family. I pray healing and REST. Rest in the Lord. Rest in the knowledge that God is at hand and he will have the victory. God is Holding Jacob in his arms caring for him every moment. God has a divine plan for Jacob and the family. we are not to know what that is until His time is right. Until then REST. Be at peace and Rest.
Thank you all for sharing your heart it has changed my life and made a great impact on how I see thing. Thank you for your vulnerability in this hard time. Praying for you all.

upwardflight said...

Hi Tom and Debbie,

Huge love to you and your boys. Praying and watching with you.

All our love,
Karen (Near) Wells & company

Johanna said...

I am reading letters of C.S. Lewis' right now...and I have found comfort in this great man's confession...(and cried as I read this with my husband, as presently I don't even like the small sufferings he's given us)He writes "Of course we have all been taught what to do with suffering-offer it in Christ to God as our little, little share of Christ's sufferings-but it is so hard to do. I am afraid I can better imagine,than really enter into, this. and to want to share in suffering?-this is far beyond me. To grin and bear it and (in some feeble desperate way) to TRUST is the utmost most of us can manage." ....May you rest in trust as much as you are able in Him....May He extend greater and greater grace....and more and more healing miracles for your Jacob. Please give Debbie my love today and a big hug......

Heidi said...

Just have to say a big AMEN after reading your post...so well said....touched my heart!

Continuing to pray for Jacob and you all. Really feeling the need to pray for strength and endurance as time continues to go by.

ellianna said...

Tom and Debbie,
We just received news of Jacob's accident and we have been praying for all of you and especially Jacob. We would like to bring a meal over for your family if that would be helpful. We know Jacob is young, strong and has a network of family and friends full of love and faith. We are praying for his recovery and we are here to help you all through this difficult time.

AJ and Ellianna Javed