Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Baby Steps on Roller Coasters?

I was actually quite overwhelmed walking into the hospital today. Part of it is a strange sense of routine, familiarity of coming here everyday for the last 4 weeks. It is not a routine, familiarity that any of us desire. Another part of it is hearing and seeing glimpses of other's tragedies - the loud speaking announcing a trauma alert, patients being wheeled by us, new burn victims arriving. The major part of course is my boy - I miss my boy, hate seeing him struggling and wounded, long for our family to be whole again.

Yet in the midst of all of this there are movements forward, movements toward healing, movements toward restoration. It is back and forth - and as we have always said - baby steps and roller coaster. (baby steps on roller coasters?) But we are moving forward.

We now have to wear masks, head coverings, and body coverings because his infections are less covered for healing purposes and there is a bacterial infection in his lungs. They are reducing the amount of air support he is getting down to 12% and will further reduce it to 6% and for awhile have him breathe on his own. This is all part of the reconditioning of his diaphragm and lungs. This is amazingly awesome because it is an obvious step toward healing but also stepping toward getting the trach out. They are also going to be moving him to a chair today for a while getting to see if he is more comfortable but also part of conditioning his body that there is a night and day and not just night. They already started feeding him not just continuously all day but major binge feedings three times a day. Still the brown good - not a Betty's Burger yet.

So though I am overwhelmed - all of us are - we are renewed day by day as we see movement.

I was reading 2 Timothy this morning. Paul encourages Timothy: do not give up, do not give in, keep going. You have a deep and sincere faith abiding in you; you have also been gifted in the power of the Spirit of God through he laying on of hands. Paul says to Timothy to fan that gift that small ember into a burning flame. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."

It is so easy to be overwhelmed and weary in this "journey through fire" allowing all that is going on and all that we are afraid might help us to keep us in a place of timidity. I picture myself curled up in a ball crying hysterically. Paul says, "do not be ashamed...step up, step forward and join me in suffering for the gospel." But he does not just say this as a pep talk at half time to a football team trying to pump up their adrenaline and positive thinking. Paul says next that what we are facing, we face with the power of God - who saved us and called us to holy living not because of anything we have done but according to his purpose and grace.

So there is this strange confusion of our action and inaction. Again as I have probably said before there is this active waiting that we go through. Releasing to God and allowing him to empower. Timidity is replaced by the power of God, an ability for us to love and be loved, and discipline of being able to choose what is right and resist what is wrong.

Baby steps on a roller coaster then is not overwhelming - it is grounded in the grace of God who is not just in the midst of this but is still fully in control and good. God knows far more and is much more capable and has not/will not abandon us.

Love and peace

Tom (Dad)

5 comments:

Cindy Todd said...

Thank you Tom for sharing. I needed to hear what you had to say today! I am praying for you all. Love you guys, Cindy

Bob Duffy said...

We continue to pray for Jacob's healing in God's timing, and that God would bring people and experiences into your life to bring encouragement and sustain you each day.
-the Duffys

Sharon Shenk said...

Thank you, Lord, for your bold and precious Word. It gives us the sustenance we need to survive, to grow and to ride the roller coaster of life in this world.

Noree said...

Our prayers continue~we pray for strength for you, his parents, for peace for Robbie as he readies himself for school, and for all of you, we pray for healing for your son, your brother.
Baby steps Tommy...and all of them forward...towards restoring your Jacob.
Thank you for taking the time to let those of us on the "outside" into your heart, and the heart of your family. We love you all, so very much.
Stay strong~feel the multitude of prayers around you. God bless and keep you in His tight grip.
Noree and family

Lois Stinogel said...

The joy of the Lord is our strength-but-it still hurts!!!

Lois Stinogel